Monday, September 19, 2005

A Pale Moon Rises...

Do you ever have a visceral feeling that life is much grander than you can comprehend? It happens to me when I'm listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, or hiking in the woods (which I like to refer to as "walking" as hiking sounds too premeditated), or reading the Bible. I have to stop, lift my head, and breathe it in: life is huge, God is huge, truth is huge...and I'm very puny.

Recently, my future plans were, *ahem*, altered on my behalf by the Almighty. Being an event coordinator, I had coordinated the events leading up to September of next year (yes, that's 2006...I was really prepared) when, suddenly, unexpectedly, almost rudely, the rug was pulled out from under my event coordinating self. Flailing in the refuse of my dreams, I pulled and clawed at many typical paranoias. "Well, what am I supposed to do NOW, huh? Can you answer me that? I have NO plan now. NONE. I could do this... Or I could do that... But what about finances? What about my desire to travel? And then, on the other hand, what about my calling? Where is this GOING, exactly? Are you going to ANSWER me or something?" There was a tear-soaked pillow at one point, and a heavily scrawled journal entry, and a few conversations with friends.

As I floundered for the week or so that it took me to remember that I know how to swim and, to be honest, I haven't had an orthodox path to tread for a while, I tired and gave up. I flipped my pillow over and went to sleep. There isn't anything I can do about a canceled school, or a shift in the wind, or a sneeze. There is only God. There has only ever been God. There only ever will be God. He is Alpha, He is Omega. He created musical geniuses who write orchestral songs for movies about elves, He created Soori Mountain in Pyongchon, He breathed life into the scriptures. He is love. And if He's writing my story, then whom shall I fear?

It just occurred to me that someone that balks at the idea of participating in a premeditated "hike" should probably learn to chill the heck out about coordinating life's events.

"Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home."
- Into the West

1 comment:

andrew said...

I've been craving a new entry for some time, and you haven't disappointed. Gotham will be glad to have you back, even if it wasn't part of the Plan.