santa baby

Santa* was very kind to me this year. I was given free reign to shop at H&M, courtesy of a gift certificate from mom and dad, an Audrey Hepburn DVD box set from the loverly Kate, and in the just-what-I-always-wanted file: a claddagh ring from mon petit prince.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

* Santa: yes, I believe in him. He is personified in the jolly-ness of my friends and family.

me have two jab!

For any/all of you who still care about my current employment situation (and I don't blame you if you've tuned out...I wish I could tune out myself but, well, it's my life). I went for YET ANOTHER interview at a very slick, very chic, very..."Devil Wears Prada" meets "Ugly Betty" environment (which, by the way, has anyone else noticed that the same plot is used for both feature film and sitcom syndicate?). The plastic, buxom blond who greeted/interviewed me also caters to the 30-something CEO of the company, getting his breakfast and coffee at 7:30 a.m. daily, and the rest of the polished metrosexual employees spend their time stockpiling contra to subsidize their salaries, and eye positions in finance and/or sales on the side. It just didn't sound "me".

So I completed the interview as politely as I could and left.

The good news is that another company, a much warmer, friendlier company, has contacted me to give me their front desk coordinating position. The only problem is that they keep apologizing up, down and sideways that the job won't "be what you're used to", "isn't high-powered" and that I'm overqualified.

I told them I'll start on Monday.

Now to give away my part-time Starbucks hours. Except for the odd evening/weekend I might keep around, because, heck, why not make up for all those days spent doing nothing at all?

Did I just waste another entire post with employment updating?

(if anyone, and I mean ANYONE needs tips on interviews/resumes/job hunting, do let me know...I've picked up a thing or two over the past few months and would be more than happy to pass on the wealth of knowledge - gleaned by trial and error - to anyone who might find themselves in the same or similar circumstances)

patsy-cake

Last week, a customer at Starbucks (don't worry, love, it wasn't the "lusty Irishman"...it was a lusty Italian man) told me I looked like Patsy Kensit. She, apparently, starred in Lethal Weapon 2 with Mel Gibson. I wouldn't have thought much of it except that another customer, along with his friend, mentioned the same thing today. I smiled and nodded. Once I looked her up for myself, I realized it was meant as a compliment. I had no idea who she was.

This reminded me that I used to get Lauren Holly when I was in high school, back when she was dating Jim Carrey, people knew who she was, and she was blond. Once, on the street, an older man said I looked like Britt Ekland, one time Bond Girl, and ex-wife of Peter Sellers. I also get Gollum, Ren, and Ezma but the people who mentioned these similarities have been shipped off to South East Asia so I don't suggest you try it yourself.

This lead me further down the look-alike road and reminded me that recently I began a game with someone who didn't want to participate called, informally, "What Celebrity Couple Would Play Us In The Movie Of Our Lives?". The runners up to play Andrew and me included:

• Pete Sanpras and Bridgette Wilson
• Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker
• Chris Martin and Gwenyth Paltrow
• Anne and Gilbert

I'm secretly hoping that this launches a cross-blog Celebrity Look-Alike-a-Thon of epic proportions.

For those of you who read my blog and I have never met in person: you may send the links anyway but I won't be able to verify the resemblance. I'll take your word for it.

tatterdemalion

As some of you know, I have an Irish clonmacnois cross tattoo on my back (incidentally, although inked myself I can't watch TLC's Miami Ink without wincing...ask Kate: as much as I wanted/planned for/dreamed of my tattoo, it HURT LIKE A MOTHER and her poor, consoling, hand was crushed when I had mine done).

I've had an affinity to the Celtic cross' symbolism for many years and just the other day a regular Starbucks patron gave me a quote that made me like it even more. Dennis (or "Dennecha" - his Gaelic name - which he prefers to be called), of Irish decent, who sports a golden claddagh ring (pointed outwards, to signify "single, and searching"), with two fiery, red-headed ex-wives to his name, who sports a turned-up corkscrew moustache, who orders his coffee in a deep, sultry voice ("I'll have a tall, dark, bold, fulllllllll-bodied..."), and who tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in city (liar...*blush*) handed me a photocopied piece of paper with "Celtic Cross of Journeys & Meetings" as its title. It read:

On the journey of life our paths cross a multitude of opportunities, the most challenging can be those encounters with other human beings. The meeting that may bring us fulfilment or even frustration depends on the most startling chance and circumstance. The cross, joining the vertical and the horizontal, is a symbol of the importance and pain of the encounter.

Once it is acheived there are so many obstacles in its path amid the prosaid and petty demands of life. Unions missed, unions broken, uncompleted unions, disasters, misunderstandings, estrangements. The journey from the very first meeting to true union and love, is long and arduous.

"People destined to meet will do so, at precisely the right moment."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson's Law of Spiritual Gravitation)

It makes me think of a previous post of mine where I mused about chance encounters. My life has been absolutely peppered with them. It's comforting to think they aren't haphazard.

merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream

Has it really been nearly a month since I last posted?

I can't count the amount of times I've wanted to scream "STOP THE TRAIN, I WANT TO GET OFF" over the past few months but, alas, the train continued on its tracks and, rejoice! it has brought me to this rather (comparitively) enjoyable and peaceful moment on Monday, November 27, 2006.

November at a glance:

• Went to Kate's cottage with Paul and Sudburian friend, Steve. Had delightful time. It will be noted that, during a rousing game of Scattegories, Paul tried to use "automobile" as mode of transportation starting with "o". To his credit, he pronounced it "ooooooohtomobile".
• Attended youth concert, Kairos, as a groupie of the Youth Network Band. Emo band "Hello Kelly" played before the YN Band so I tried my hand at being 16 again. Unpleasant. Discovered that one Hello Kelliest is oldtime childhood friend, James Watts.
• Susan and Noel had a delightful housewarming soirée at their place in Burlington. Wonderful evening. And the only reason I would subject myself to setting foot in Burlington.
• With the dashing A, went to Roy Thompson Hall for the symphonic presentation of Rimsky-Korsakov's Shahirizad. Forgot to breathe. I'm not joking.
• Still working at Bucks. Wait. Did I tell you all that I'm working at Bucks? Well, I am. Still. Another job pending. Keep praying. Because as charming as 5:00 a.m. openings are...

I've been up since verrrrry early, have had a little too much caffeine today, should probably work on my teacher's college application, but wanted to get the news out to all you lovlies that, yes, I am still alive. In addition to the craziness recently, my beloved 12" G4 iBook (nicknamed "Baby"...for obvious reasons - it takes after its mother: small, white, and cute) has suffered a severe stroke and might not recover. Making emails/blog postings/etc. even more difficult than before. Your patience during this time of grief is appreciated.

when it rains, it pours

For those of you still following this tale:

On Tuesday, September 5th, with pineapple still digesting in my stomach from the Hawaiian BBQ at the Gaz's the day before, I was let go my job.

Now, nearly two full months later - two months of more resume editing, printing, and handing out, more phonecall follow-ups, more "help wanted" sign scouring than I have ever done in my life - I have an interview. At Starbucks. Followed by another interview tomorrow, at a dentist's office. Accompanied by another promising job offer at Berlitz, and three similar administrative positions, at clinics, design firms, and consultant companies, all looking for help.

What? WHAT? Zero to six? In a day? Must be God.

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch."

Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.


(Luke 5:4-7)

love for sale

After having visiting U of T to vie for a job which, I found out, could have upwards of 200 other keen applicants (eeek!) I took my unemployed self to Kensingtons (the cafe...situated in the neighbourhood of the same name) to drop off an additional résumé for kicks. What an odd stage of life is this that I could be equally as happy with assisting the president of a university or serving espressos to bohos.

I've been thinking a lot about the ability to work, in general, and how my skills, experience, gifts and talents are important only insofar as they are used to interact with my world and the people in it. I figure I'd be happy scrubbing toilets if God needed me to befriend a few cleaning staff in a dingy corner of the city. I'd also be happy doing event coordinating again (oddly enough, perhaps not as keen as I would be scrubbing toilets...because of the pressures and temptations involved with a high profile job) if God needed me to befriend a few crotchety business suits in a polished boardroom somewhere.

This morning, I was reading Joshua 19 and came across this verse:

"The inheritance of the Simeonites was taken from the share of Judah, because Judah's portion was more than they needed. So the Simeonites received their inheritance within the territory of Judah." (v. 9)

What an amazing concept and life verse, I thought, so I chewed on it a little longer and came out with a prayer. Would You keep me conscious of what I have that is more than what I need and show me who to give it away to. Thank you that my portion of dreams is more than I can handle and precludes the participation of others. Let the same overabundance be seen in areas of finance, love, time, wisdom and compassion. Let me continually have more than I need. Let me continually give away. Let me be blessed to see others come into their inheritance by me sharing mine.

The List

[Including Andrew's original - and endearingly sweet - answers, circa October 2006.]

0. Are you a Christian? Yes

1. Do you snore? No
2. Do you have a problem with doing the dishes/laundry/ironing? No, I don’t enjoy doing those things much tho
3. Can you deal with mom? Absolutely
4. Can you dance? Better than most people
5. Do you hoot and holler at other women (even when I’m not around)? No
6. Can you play with small children for long amounts of time (and like it)? Absolutely
7. Are you creative? Most days
8. Do you find me too emotional? (...too bad...) Never
9. Can you find poetry in things that aren’t poems? ;-) Yes
10. Do you whine? Very infrequently
11. Are you gentle? Most days
12. Do you like to travel? Yes
13. Are you too clingy/needy? No (sometimes a fault)
14. Can you make me laugh? Most days
15. Do you love cats? ...
16. Do you like polka music? No
17. Do you change diapers? Not regularly, but I have
18. Can you do random/unorthodox/spastic/impromptu stuff for no reason? Yes
19. Can you stand out in the rain? Learning...
20. Do you mumble? Very infrequently
21. Do you have a bad temper? No...
22. Do you listen to other people’s points of view? Yes, even when they’re wrong
23. Were you ever a serial dater/player? no
24. Do you love your mommy? yes
25. Do you love your mommy too much? no
26. Have you ever cried in a movie/book/play? Many times
27. Have you ever cried over the loss of a pet? yes
28. Do you give good/plentiful hugs? yes
29. Do you give massages? Might save this one for later
30. Can you spend long amounts of time snuggling and nothing else? Ha ha... I’d love to... With a certain Aubrey
31. Do you punch girls? WHAT?!? Not unless they’re actually men in disguise
32. Do you run to alcohol/women/other when you’re upset? no
33. Are you a dreamer? yes
34. Do you love yourself? yes
35. Are you material driven/focused? No
36. Would you pick flowers for me? Yes, but Jasmine is difficult to find in Toronto, my love
37. Can you hang out with my brothers? Most days
38. Can you fix things? Within reason, yes
39. Have you been to India? Nope, but Bangladesh, yes ( Formerly part of British India, the region, as East Pakistan, became one of the two geographical units of Pakistan. After civil war, the independent republic of Bangladesh was proclaimed in 1971.)
40. Do you spit in public? Rarely
41. Do you have a problem with PDA (within reason)? No (within reason)
42. Do you like to listen? You your voice, yes
43. Will you tell me how to dress/behave? No, you hear His voice well enough for yourself AND if you want my opinion, you usually ask (although sometimes I forget this and put my foot in my mouth)
44. Do you instigate? Most days (in good ways)
45. Will you let me instigate? Hmmm, good question. If you feel peace, then yes.
46. Are you patient? Learning to be

blogging up a lung

It's that time again. Time to re-evaluate blogging as being anything more than an egomaniacal extension of our souless society.

Someone* recently left a comment on an entry that I had posted back in February of this year. Mystery Commenter makes a good point. I have attached the comment below for those of you who are curious. I especially like the line: "Just live in the vine, and go out and heal someone."

As much as I would like to defend blogging I can't help but admit that it made a lot more sense while I was overseas - it's purpose at that time being a way to keep in touch with friends and family back home. By this rational, A.J. and Alyn's blog and Nik and Thea's blog hold more value than, say, Kate or Andrew's because I see them all the time.

However, while Nik was still in the country I can remember reading posts of his that really, truly made me think and even change my opinion. And isn't that worth something? Both Angela and Shannon's blog have never failed to make me laugh...or, at very least, vow to hone my vocabulary and wit. Through my very own blogging experience I have made met the acquaintance of Mimo from Finland (who, following a various TACFers blogs, knew that A. and I were going to get together before we did), Nik and Thea have been made into low-grade e-stars through Shannon's readership, A.J. and Alyn announced that they are expecting a baby, my friend and the chaplain of Victoria University in B.C., Caron, has become a fan of Shannon's, and Pud gave A. and me something to discuss in length over the phone.

So I will continue to support blogging. However, as part of a low fat, balanced and health conscious blogging lifestyle I will adhere to the following self-imposed rules:

1. Post only that which I myself would want to read.
   
2. Take time and effort in constucting a post.
3. Visit my list of select blogs frequently to keep the blogging gears well-oiled.
4. Live in the vine, and go out and heal someone.

But don't get my started on MySpace...

Oh, and Kate and Paul's engagement photos have been put online. Enjoy.

* Really, does it matter who it is? Just read the comment.

*****************************************************

RodeoClown said...

Thank you Andrew for your deep thoughts on the matter. You make me largh too.

Sure blogging takes the place of conversations once made in person. Maybe the place of literary masterpieces that would have taken time, energy and discipline. Much like Michelangelo vs. ceiling tiles, or Mozart vs. "The Salads", "The Strokes", "The Spoons", "The White Stripes" and I'm sure; "The Lettuce".

I think worse than this, is the generation's tendency to look at their life from some image of a "larger perspective" (any good emo likes to dabble with this), and see that they are born so they can go to school, so they can get a job, so they can retire, so they can die. They read about DaVinci, Michelangelo, and Mozart while getting their necessary education, and see "life".

"This guy had accomplishments that people even now are talking about. DaVinci had a book of pictures of helicopters - maybe I can do that too. Maybe I can make a dent in the world. Maybe I'm worth something. Maybe I can have people talk about me years from now. Because right now - I'm not worth sh!t. I live, and I die. I need to scream my thoughts from rooftops; I need to get my word out there. I need to mean something, to someone - but even so - who are they, to be worth anything for me to care? When I die - I'm dead."

Now, depending on the person, the root isn't quite this well known. The world is set up according to "action/reaction" laws - and it doesn't matter on whether or not one sees the "action" - there's still a reaction. There are still countries under the poverty line whether or not you choose to go on a mission to see it, or not. There is a noise in the forest when a tree falls. You will still be producing rotten fruit, whether you realize a part of you is not in His perfect plan or not. Saving treasures where computer viruses and network crashes destroy? In the true eternal picture: who the crap really cares?

But who am I? I have rotten fruit; but I am not moved to make an entropic society. That is, after all, another law of nature.

“Hey, look at me, I posted my opinion on the inter-web!” Just live in the vine, and go out and heal someone. I’m tired of the noise.

soaked

Let's recap.

In the past few weeks, the following has occurred:

• September 5th: Am fired.
• September 7th: Cell phone dies.
• September 9th: Internet dies.
• September 13th: Offered job.
• September 15th: Accepted job.
• September 18th: Refused job.

Add to this adventure Kate and Paul's engagement, various parental issues, a scattered job hunt, the six-month mark with A. and me, a threat to be sued, three intensive counselling sessions, allergies, and a general mid-midlife crisis.

This weekend was a great conference at TACF Airport, aka: The Mothership. Listening to Heidi Baker on Saturday, as always, put things into perspective. She spoke on John 15: 1-8...

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

"Remain, remain, remain," she intimated during the evening service. "Why is that so difficult for the first world to understand?" It's true. I was just saying to A. on the phone the other day: I've traveled to India where I battled heat, exhaustion, illness, culture shock, and various other turmoils for three months...but the past three weeks have been more difficult by far. I can feel myself being s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d.

After significant downtime at the conference, and many more words of comfort from speakers, friends, and God, I felt nearly drunk with relaxation by the end of Saturday night. Not only that, but I feel as if the winds are changing...

I once again closed my eyes in hope, saying quietly to myself: "Tomorrow!"
- Andrea Giovene ("The Dilemma of Love")

down with emo

Ever have one of those moments when you're absolutely sure that everything's going to be OK? I had one of those moments this morning. I'm looking forward to having a lot more of those moments in the future.

sweet blogging freedom is mine!

The ability to comment has again been made available to me and I can't remember a time when I savoured it more. Nothing is quite as wonderful as being without something, and to have it returned.

In other, completely random, news, A. (as I refer to him in my journal, for time's sake...and it's grown on me) directed my attention to this post on Adele's (an e-friend by proxy) blog. Oh, how true. Please note the double-exclamatory statements made by both myself and A.

I went to an absolutely delectible evening last night at The Gladstone called The Haunted Fishtank, an introduction made through my friend Kylah. Poetry reading, guitar strumming...even some bizarre interpretive dance. It was like wine to my soul. In fact, it was wine to my stomach as well as the darling bartender, Kerry, brought two reds to our table - on the house.

le battement d'ailes du papillon

Which, in my botched OAC French level, I translate as "the war of the butterfly's garlic". I'm sure I'm mistaken. In any case, the movie might be recognized by it's English title, "Happenstance", starring that adorable Audrey Tautou from "Amelie" (one of my favourite movies of all time).

I watched it last night and enjoyed it thouroughly. After the movie was finished, the name of a good friend of mine from Korea popped into my mind and so, after over eight months being incommunicado, I composed him a quick email to see how things were (mostly asking whether or not he managed to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor, which we had discussed in length over the course of our friendship). This morning, and before I had a chance to send the email still waiting in my outbox, I received discovered this in my inbox:

Hey there, Its been a while, but i thought i should let you know, since you were the one who got me back on track that somehow i got accepted to medical school and i start in january. thanks again, and let me know what you are up to, i'd like to talk sometime. take care.

Serendipitous!

On Angela's blog she discusses how, due to a chance encounter downtown Toronto, our suspicions have been confirmed: "Everyone on the planet knows Kate and her family."

I like little things like this. The little chance encounters, the role of fate, the every day magic that keeps me wondering.

leap of faith

Sooo...it's back to the drawing board in terms of the job hunt.

Have you ever been watching a movie where the lead character is just about to make a decision that is so obviously not what they're supposed to do? I had this experience recently, watching "The Last Kiss" (starring Zack Graff), with Sarah Gaz, on Saturday. I was actually covering my mouth and squealing, "Nooooo...!" at the screen.

Have you ever had the sensation that you're the character in the movie - the one that other people are covering their mouths and squealing, "Nooooo...!" at? I had this experience last night, coming to terms that a job offer on the table, complete with cushy salary, might just be a twist in the plot. That the lack of sleep, disturbing dreams, and feeling of disappointment in the pit of my stomach might very well be the manifested "Nooooo...!" of my out-of-body self.

Of course, I could also have just made a ginormous mistake. But, for some reason, I was willing to take that chance. And you know what? I feel lighter already.

fie

Although Beta Blogger is making me want to punch babies, à la Dane Cook, because no one can comment on my blog and I am restrained from commenting on anyone else's, I will continue to post anyway. Thanks to those who continue to read despite torturing themselves with such limited commentary options...

*sigh* I should have thought twice before signing up for this "new and improved" blog upgrade. And I'm not the only one. [NOTE: strong language used...none of which is mine, but it very well could have been at this point]

I'll fire off some scathing emails today to see if I can't get those Blogspot goons to get on an antidote and you can post as an "anonymous" commenter and leave your name in the interim.

six

Six months ago this morning I woke up in my bed at the Ports Hotel with this song in my head and that wonderful feeling in my stomach known as butterflies.

By 5:00 p.m. that evening he still hadn't called so I, muttering under my breath something about having got my hopes up for nothing and vowing to de-wing all the butterflies I could get my hands on, left the hotel having given detailed instructions to my roommate should "someone" decide to phone.

I returned later that evening to a little piece of paper on my pillow that read:

"He called. :)"

And he's been calling ever since.*

It's serious breakthrough for someone who had, in the past, relied heavily on something known as the Two Weeks and an Airplane approach to dating... Thanks for sticking it out with me over the past six months, love, and here's to many more.

* Except, of course, for recently as my phone has met its untimely demise. More on this later.

solitary confinement

As we all know, I recently became unemployed. Add to that the fact that my phone, which has been dying a slow and painful death for a few weeks, finally bit the dust. Add to THAT the fact that the internet at my apartment disappeared around 9:00 a.m. this morning and hasn't returned...

At least I still have electricity.

(Oh, how am I posting this, I hear you inquire? Thank Jesus for Star Cafe on Bloor, which has wireless internet. And tea.)

shaken, not stirred

I heart Bond. It's the tailored tuxes, it's the martini, it's the guns, it's the rough-and-tumble, it's the I-barely-know-your-name-but-you'll-be-my-Bond-girl-for-the-next-two-hours attitude. I think every woman has a place in her heart for Bond.

I remember the day that a older man stopped me on the street to remark that I looked like one-time Bond girl, Britt Ekland. It made my day. Nay, month.

The new Bond movie is out, Casino Royale, and the trailer is stellar. I've watched it several times in a row. I'd also like to point out that Bond has managed to graduate from chasing random skirt to actually falling for his Bond girl this time. I approve.

Raowr.

43 things

Dan got me started on this: 43 Things. It's actually quite challanging to come up with 43. I made it to 24 and decided to take a break and come back to it later. Check it out. It's fascinating to see what other people are wanting to accomplish with their lives.

Also, I'd like to point out that Nik and Thea have arrived in Pyongchon safely and are (too) excited to be teaching Korean children:
And because I promised, I tracked down the "Scottish Haka" commercial, in celebration of men in kilts, that I've often told people about and now you can too:

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

the silver screen

I'm a self-proclaimed trailer junkie. I love movie trailers. I'll often go to apple.com/trailers just to view the 1-3 minute "amuse-bouches" laid out like bite-sized candies. In movie theaters, I'll forget what movie I paid $10.50 (if I use my over-four-years-old-outdated U of T student card) for after watching a few trailers. I'm also that person who shrieks when you try to fast forward through trailers at the beginning of a rented or at-home DVD.

Every once in a while, I'll notice trends in the movies that are being released. For example, right now there are seven new trailers that are based on religious, Biblical, or spiritual themes.

• The Reaping deliniates a modern day visitation of the seven plagues of Egypt.
• The Nativity Story is the narrative of Jesus' birth.
• Driving Lessons is about a "shy, bookish 17-year-old...[and his] unpromising summer vacation...spent attending bible classes, and having driving lessons with his overbearing and overly religious mother".
• Al Franken: God Spoke follows a comedian, documentary style, and "his relentless campaign against George Bush and the Right Wing".
• Conversations With God, based on the book, is about a man who writes down God's messages...and becomes a millionaire.
• Darshan The Embrace, another documentary, hails Amma, a spirtual guide and "Mahatma" who has given her embrace to an estimated over 26 million people worldwide.
• And Jesus Camp, which disturbed me most of all, showing the "revival" in America and its manipulation of children, is being hailed as "an admirably even-handed film" although the imagery makes me doubt it very much.

I'm not quite sure what to make of all this but somehow the mixing of stereotypes, politics, sarcasm, the supernatural, financial success, and Hollywood makes me feel nauseous.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this trend. Am I just oversensitive?

deflated

Feelin' a wee bit "in it"* right now.

• Went into work this morning. Was fired. A first for me.
• Biked home in the rain.
  
• This: "Unfortunately, you cannot post a comment on a non-beta blog or claim a mobile blog using your Google Account. These features are coming soon." explains why I can't properly post comments on many people's blogs (or post several of the same comments, much to the annoyance of others). I knew there was a catch to this Google Blog upgrade...

Despite it all, I feel quite calm. I had a feeling this was all coming down the tube (in fact, my morning was pretty much ruined with the sense that something ominous was going to happen...) and when I discovered it was only the loss of the job that was causing me to loose sleep anyway, I was comforted.

And now, on to the job search. Again.

Septembers, for the past eight years running, have always brought this kind of personal-detoxing shock my way. And every time God demolishes something pretty I have prided myself on (a Two Year Plan, a job, a relationship), he is so faithful to give back more than I could have ever dreamed possible in return.

"The bricks have fallen down,
but we will rebuild them with dressed stone;
the fig trees have been felled,
but we will replace them with cedars."
(Isaiah 9:10)

* from the movie Garden State -
Sam: "You're in it right now, aren't you?"
Andrew: "What?"
Sam: "My mom always says that, when she can see like I'm working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you telling this story, and you're definitely in it."

tall and tanned and young and lovely

I have something to report.I feel guilty even typing this. I'm not supposed to make this public until Kate gives me the go-ahead. But I can't help it. I'm just going to save this as a draft and post it later...

I'm sure that they'll post the news/story on their own blogs/websites, along with a pictoral narrative, so I'll just tell you my side of the story.

Kate and Paul and I met up for coffee this evening, at the Green Bean in Oakville. Kate handed me a card. I read the card. It read:

"September 1, 2006
To my dearest Sarah,
After many-a-conversation, the time has finally come. Your cupid e-mails served their purpose in making a dreamy match. For that, my friend, my fiancé and I thank you. Let me take this opportunity now to ask you, friend, officially;
Will you be my maid of honour at our upcoming wedding?
Love, Kate DIAS"

Now, you must realize, I read this:
"...Sarah...time has finally come...cupid...match...fiancé..." and then I stopped reading, screamed, and burst into tears simultaneously. Many hugs, more tears, more shrieking. It was a great moment. I find it amusing that she asked me to be her maid of honour...even after about five years of discussing it in detail. Maid of honour. What an honour.

I'm still a little dazed. Several damp Kleenexes and a very long GO Train/streetcar ride back to High Park later, I'm listening to songs that remind me of Kate and it's all starting to sink in: Paul Graham, my friend of over 10 years (I was unaware of his real name for many of those years - I have referred to him as "Boyle", his camp name, since the age of 16), proposed to my best friend in the world, Kate Dias, in a kilt on a mountain top.

IN A KILT.
ON A MOUNTAIN TOP.
And she has the rock that will break her arm. All is right with the world.
Paul and Kate are engaged.
Paul and Kate are getting married.
Paul and Kate will be married.
And I am so, so, so, SO very happy for them.

This very secret
That you're trying to conceal
Is the very same one
That you're dying to reveal
Go tell her how you feel
This very secret heart
Go out and share it
This very secret heart
- Feist, "Secret Heart"

message on the 506

While taking the 506 Carlton streetcar the other day, I found a plastic bag that had been left by another passenger by accident. In this bag was an empty greeting card box, several cardboard coin roll wrappers, a permenant marker, a pencil, and a handful of cut-outs: poetry, advice, verses, etc.

Below is what I found on one of them:

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep, full relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says, "NO. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone. I love you, my child. Until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me; exclusive of anyone or anything else; exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That's all."


"Don't be anxious, don't worry; don't look around at the things others have or what I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. You just keep looking up to me, for when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love more wonderful than you would have ever dreamed of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready...I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time...until you are both satisfied, exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. This is perfect love.

"And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and enjoy materially and concretely, the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself."

"Please know that I love you utterly. Believe it and be satisfied."

Author Unknown

(I found a slightly different version online here)

running to stand still

The Treadmill - A Philosophical Rant

When was the last time you spent an hour - an entire hour - doing "nothing"? TV doesn't count as studies have shown that viewing television uses less brain power than sleeping, and I'm not addressing laziness. I'm addressing the ridiculously imbalanced work to rest ratio that our society thrives on.

"Nothing", to me, can mean a variety of activities (reading, walking, writing, journaling) but I like to define "nothing" as a chunk of time devoid of time restraints. A chunk of time used to unwind as opposed to winding up. Andrew wears a T-shirt with "time is an invention" on it and I love it because it makes me stop and think...if time is an invention, and we invented time, why aren't we realizing that we're victims of our own invention?

I had a counseling session with a friend of mine yesterday and we discussed my general, frenetic state. It has been a lifetime habit, intensifying during university and again when I was an event coordinator for TVB, and has been almost non-stop over the past year; more specifically, the past six months. The essence of the chaos was pinpointed as a lingering fear of not arriving at my "destination"...but having little to no idea what/where the "destination" is. In the meantime, I miss out on the journey itself.

Frustrating.

Have you ever noticed that culture (urban culture, more poignantly) is fueled by people who are, in turn, fueled by coffee? This is not an original thought - I must admit that I stole it from my mother, Lois. Every morning (and afternoon, and late afternoon, and evening) we drink an extra-large, triple-shot, sugar-free hazelnut CUP OF ANXIETY with extra foam. To go. Because we couldn't possibly sit down to enjoy it.

This counselor-friend of mine mentioned that a friend of hers had recently gone to a Watchmen for the Nations retreat where the participants did "nothing" but listen and wait for God to speak. For four days. The unanimous revelation, at the end of the four days, was God's warning: the world is consumed with hurry - slow down, trust Me, be aware.

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy
- Simon & Garfunkle, "The 59th Street Bridge Song"

"What can I say? I live my life to the utmost...I just try to stay loose, stay liquid, laugh a lot, and be ready. That's what Dupree's doing with his life's little pod, man. Staying nimble. Until I get the call from the mother ship. My raison d'etat."
- Randolf Dupree, "You, Me and Dupree"

and then a hero comes along

My best friend, CathArine Patricia Dias, has just completed one week building houses in Belize. Her boyfriend, Paul, has posted some pictures of their adventure here. This is just one of the reasons that I heart Kate.

I mean, who could possibly look hotter in a tool belt? Paul agrees.

piano man

I spent the first half of today stressed out of my tree due to work issues, and the second half listening to piano on the radio. The second half all but erased the first.

I am not what they would call "musical". By this I mean I can not read it, play it, or understand it. It's a foreign science to me. Sometimes I wonder if I would be so absolutely enchanted by it if I had studied it... Jacob once asked me, however, and rightfully so: "Do you have a musical soul?" and, for the first time, in reference to a question regarding music, I was able to answer in the affirmative.

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

- Billy Joel, "Piano Man"

camp stole my boyfriend...

...and my youngest brother, Seth. Oh, and about half a million of my other closest friends. For a week. Poo. The other day, as Andrew and I ate sushi, I almost teared up at the thought of a kid getting the chance to go to camp THE NIGHT BEFORE (which was in the works while we ate...via beepy-phone), as there were still spots available at the last minute. Camp is like Christmas to me. I love it. It's also the reason behind my mild addiction with the forest.

There must be something to this: Andrew and Seth are at camp. Nik and Thea just flew across the globe to start teaching in South Korea. Kate and Paul are returning from Belize sometime soon. And I'm...not doing any of those things. For the first time in my life. How odd.

Which reminds me, I should look up flights to B.C...

ok go

Check. This. Out.
I heart these guys.
They remind me of my brother.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

anne

Allow me a moment of girly whim.

I have been, since I was old enough to be read to, mildly obsessed with Anne of Green Gables. There was more than a little vicarious participation in reading those books, over and over. In fact, I won Miss Mini-Yo-We my L.I.T. summer, for my representation of Anne Shirley. I've been to "the bridge" in Gormley, Ontario. And a good friend of mine, Caron, has faithfully referred to me as "Anne" since I was twelve...and I like it even though I'm now twenty-six.

And we all know my thoughts on Gilbert Blythe.

All this sentiment has flooded my mind since discovering this video on a friend's myspace (thanks, Ginette). I particularly like how they chose the song "A Message" by Coldplay. For many reasons.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine, Mari, about three or four years ago, during which we lamented that there wasn't any hope of us having overlooked a Gilbert in our own lives. I guess that's what Anne thought too. I'm happy to have been wrong.

i like to ride my bicycle

Today's adventure consisted of taking the longest possible route from Point A to Point B.

The journey started at my darling apartment in High Park. From there, I coasted along Bloor and took Landsdown through the lanes of Parkdale (Andrew and Ericka: where is your house?). Landsdown ends at Queen (who knew?) so I attempted to get to the Lakeshore via Duffrin, but the Ex stood in my way. I found myself in Liberty Village, seeing old, brick, ivy-clad warehouses and restaurants that I haven't seen for over two years. I got a little lost around King until I saw the stately Prince's Gates where I (finally) found a bike path that took me along edge of Toronto Naval Club's harbour and right to the bottom of Lower Spadina where "she" is docked: the stunning tallship, Empire Sandy, upon which we will be embarking on a traditional Scottish Cruise in a few weeks. Heading north, I stopped at Timothy's for a pomegranate-blueberry smoothy, did some shopping at Shopper's, and ended up at the studio at 80 Spadina.

I heart Toronto.

bon voyage

A day of departures.
This morning, the Illustrious Kate Dias woke up at 4:30 a.m. to leave for Belize. She, along with a team of volunteers, including her boyfriend, Paul, will be helping communities in Belize for a week. Read more about the plan here.
At a similar time in the morning, the Famous Newlyweds, Nik and Thea, boarded a plane for a much more distant location: Pyongchon, South Korea. They will be living and working at the same YES Youngdo English School that Dan and I worked at in 2004-2005 until this time next year. I don't think they're departure has hit me yet. Or their marriage, for that matter. But we're not allowed to post about their wedding or honeymoon anymore because it's been overblogged.

I love you guys to pieces and will pray for your respective adventures. Come home safely and soon, but not before you've discovered everything that you should have.

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page."
- Saint Augustine

broken telephone

My boyfriend is spending the weekend at Soggy Marsh Trailer Park. Or something like that. It's up north. Hanover.

He called me last night but I didn't pick up because I don't pick up for phone numbers I don't recognize (a few of you are having "aha..." moments right now). The phone number started with "519".

"Funny," I thought, as I continued doing the dishes. "519 is a northern area code. I don't know anyone up north... ... ... ...EXCEPT FOR ANDREW..."

But by then it had gone through to voicemail. He called again today and we spoke, in broken sentences, for about a half an hour. He was sitting on a hill of grass up at Soggy Pond, I was sitting on the cold marble lobby of the College Park building.

He: "I have good reception right here. Can you hear me?"
Me: "Yes. OK, don't move. Can you hear me?"
He: "What? Are you there?"
Me: "I'm here. Can you hear me?"
He: "Can you hear me?"

Then we were disconnected. He called back. Disconnected again. He called back. Disconnected. I called back. Disconnected. He called back.

The last thing I remember hearing was a screamed "I...OVE YOU...U...!!" to which I screamed that I loved him too, before we were disconnected again. The people in the lobby were a little concerned. It could have been the screaming. Or that I sat on the marble tile for about ten minutes afterwards, laughing.

Ah, modern technology.

brain mush

Is it just me that cries during every episode of What Not to Wear? I think it's when the friends and family shriek and cry and applaud when their sister/girlfriend/co-worker comes out, transformed.

Or maybe I'm just feeling overly emotional after having watched Pearl Harbour for the first time. I never thought that a movie starring Ben Affleck could move me but...I was moved. I bawled. I hate war.

Now I'm on to watching Take Home Chef, where "hunky Australian master chef" (the website's quote, not my own...I prefer brunettes) has approached a mother of five to cook dinner at her house. He's making homemade pizza from scratch with mozzarella, fresh basil, and prosciutto. If only I could take home a hunky chef to make me homemade pizza from scratch with mozzarella, fresh basil, and prosciutto...but brunette instead of blond...and Italian instead of Australian.

OH WAIT. THAT HAPPENS.

I've watched about six hours of television today. I think that's my quota of intelligence-sucking behaviour for the month filled. It had better not be three weeks of this. I'd like to get my master's some day.

more frigging weddings

I never thought my blog would be the go-to site for news regarding upcoming nuptuals around the globe...

My friends, Dan and Yoon-Ji (she is now going by the English name "Rebecca" which is taking some getting used to...when I first read the news, I thought Dan had broken up with Yoon-Ji and was marrying another girl...), are engaged and will be married in Korea.

In 71 days.

It's true.

Their wedding website has a countdown on it.

Three cheers for autumn weddings.

house arrest

house arrest:
"House arrest is the situation where a person is confined by the authorities to his or her residence...travel is usually restricted, if allowed at all...the term is often applied to the use of house confinement as a measure of repression of authoritarian governments against political dissidents."

It's only for three weeks and, my goodness, it's in a house in Rosedale so I really shouldn't complain. But try to figure out how relaxed I am housesitting a place where a) pieces of furniture are $30,000, b) the framed art is worth much more, c) the cats, Lucy and Riki, are the most pretentious felines since Egyptians worshipped them as gods, and d) my boss calls me 2-3 times a day, from his "cottage" in Italy, to make sure the furniture, the art, and the cats, and not to mention the alarm system, the garbage/recycling, the back door, the front door, the basement door, all windows, all vents, the computers, the plumbing, the marble counter, the voicemail, the studio voicemail, and the partridge in a pear tree are all in order.

It's the prettiest, most inefficient, least comfortable house I've ever been in. And it's my house for the next three weeks.

Tales of a House Arrest will continue...

more of the same

More pictures of Nik and Thea's wedding, courtesy of Lina Balsamic-Vinaigrette.

By the by: this is my 100th POST on blogspot.
Thank you, thank you.

honeymooning

What? Four blog posts in one day? Yes, get over it. This one is particularly important, considering Nik and Thea have just returned from their honeymoon and have posted some tasteful pictures here and Nik's commentary has left me gasping for breath. It's not fair that one family was given so much more wit and timing than all the others.

My favourite quote for the day is: "It was lovely to finally live with Althea, not have to say goodnight and part ways, and to wake up together in the morning. I highly recommend it."

Nik's recommendations have never been disappointing.

They leave for South Korea in less than a week.
*choke*

proud personal assistant

My boss and psuedo-uncle, Ron Baxter Smith, was just informed that the prestigious "international journal of visual communication", Graphis, wants to publish not one, not two, but three of Ron's photos in the upcoming Graphis Photography Annual 2007.

The shots were taken on a dull afternoon spent in Italy. Ron was bored, so he took his camera out to shoot some roots. Click, click, click: award-winning. The man's a genius. Also a little crazy.

Just one more to add alongside the 400+ other awards he's won over the years. Pardon my gushing. I'm quite pleased.

I'm also almost positive that it's some sort of copywrite infringement to post the pictures here, on my blog, so do be kind and look only. I'd rather not get sued.

c'est quoi?

Anyone been invited to this yet? I just changed my blog over last night. Seems to update faster, and provide more options. Plus, the font is prettier. And we all know I'm a sucker for pretty things. And it includes quirky instructions like, "What's cooler than a box of crayons? Customizing your blog with Layouts."

Anyone understand what's up? Google taking over the world? Should I be concerned? Because unless someone can provide me with concrete evidence that this is the Mark Of The Beast, I kind of like it...

little miss sunshine

I just watched the most fabulous movie, "Little Miss Sunshine". I can't remember a time I laughed so hard since Jordan Delic at Nik and Thea's wedding.

I'm sure it's bumped a movie off to make into my Top Five List. That list is as follows (but is generally in flux):

• Braveheart
• The Royal Tanenbaums
• Amelie
• LOTR (it is widely held that all three movies count as one Top Five List entry)
  
• Little Miss Sunshine

Post your Top Fives, people. Inquiring minds want to know...

monday monday, so good to me

Since I rescheduled my life - including a fixed date night with Gargamel/Galileo/Il Pastore once a week - I have been feeling so much more relaxed. I have discovered a previously untapped adoration for Mondays since scheduling them as "stay in" night. Who knew that returning emails, tidying, making mix CDs, reading, praying and journaling could be so rewarding?

Not that any of you should take this as an open invitation to call me on Monday nights because you know I'm home.

sex and the city

So, I've been thinking about sex. That's right. I said it. And it's not only because Angela keeps mentioning the joys of married life, or that my best friends are either enjoying or planning to enjoy said rights, or that I've seen far too much lingerie in the past month, or that I have an incredible (and hot) boyfriend, or that I'm currently listening to Barry White sing "I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More, Baby", but ALSO because I'm halfway through reading a book entitled "Real Sex" by Lauren F. Winner. It's a book on chastity.

I found it uncomfortable to read on public transit as the original cover jacket has a huge picture of a blossoming magnolia on it and REAL SEX printed in red hot lettering, so I took the cover off. Still, I had a guy chatting me up the other day, asking me what I was reading.

Me: "A book called 'Real Sex'."
Him: [eyes widen]
Me: "It's a book on chastity."
Him: "What?"
Me: "Chastity."
Him: "What's that?"
Me: "Not having sex."
Him: [eyes narrow]

In the book, Winner addresses sex and how far culture has come in providing a healthy, balanced view of sex. She starts by outlining sex in its rightful, spiritual, Biblical and marital context:

It is a law that invites into the created order of marital sex; a law that rightly orders our created desires for sexual pleasure and sexual connectedness; a law, in short, that cares for us and protects us, written by a Lawgiver who understands that life outside of God's created intent destroys us. By contrast, life lived inside the contours of God's law humanizes us and makes us beautiful. It makes us creatures living well in the created order. It gives us the opportunity to become who we are meant to be. (p. 42)

And talks about the social responsibilities that married couples have to their community, and their community to them:

...When we realize that sexual love is a primary force in constructing a household, and that households are primary components of constructing community, it begins to appear, indeed, that sexuality is something that should have a public, communal face...Sexuality is an integral part of human mutual dependence. Sex, then, is a communal topic. We Christians - whose primary idioms are not individualistic, but communal, the Body of God and the church - are to see in sexuality the bonds of community. (p. 58)
In thomas Cranmer's sixteenth-century language, brides and grooms vow that "with my body, I thee worship." Not a private affair between to atomized adults who contract to live together, Christian weddings are essentially communal. The bride and groom are surrounded by their community, and one of the most important moments of the ceremony is when the minister asks the congregation whether it will do all in its power to uphold the bride and groom intheir covenant of marriage. The congregation answers, "We will." (p.58-59)

I always liked that part of a wedding. I liked the feeling of hearing my own voice chorus with everyone else's, pledging to support the marriage, and have always looked forward to the day when I will hear a chours of voices pledging to support my own.

It's made me think of how open our culture is to discuss, analyse, dissect, scrutinize, detail, categorize, exaggerate, rate, and portray sex but how far from the marriage bed the subject has wandered. How every nuance and variety of sex is open for discussion except for married sex. It's like the only taboo sex these days is sex after marriage.

There was a commercial I remember seeing a few years ago that showed a couple furiously making out while crashing through the door of a hotel and falling on to a bed. The tag line was, "The best sex I ever had was with my wife."

If anyone can remember the advertising campaign, client, or product, let me know. I'd like to express my gratitude.

a moment in time

I love this quote, by Ranier Maria Rilke, and how it applies to so many of life's episodes:

Things aren't all so tangible and sayable as people would usually have us believe; most experiences are unsayable, they happen in a space that no word has ever entered.

My dear friend, Nikolas Delic, married the gorgeous Althea Pacis on August 5th and the experience was amazing. We realized that never again would all six of us from Erindale Christian Fellowship (Lina, Thea, Nik, Dan, Joey and myself) be in the same bridal party, so the event had a bittersweet tone to it. Still, I don't know if I've laughed so hard or for so long or in the company of people I love more.

Kate wrote a great post, with lots of linking hilarity, and more pictures that I didn't upload here.

Here are a few pictures, yoinked from Paul's gallery, for you, the viewers, to check out. They happen to be my favourite (after having sifted through all 319 shots...Paul's a photographic MANIAC) because they tell a story. Enjoy.

Knox College, where the ceremony took place. Very LOTR.
Thea, calm, cool and collected about an hour before the ceremony.
Jordan (left) and Nik (right) Delic before the ceremony - donning the kilts that were a surprise for their Scottish grandmother, and which made her cry when she saw them.
Kate and me before the ceremony. Big smiles. And, in my case, big hair to match.
Kate, as the florist, pinning a boutonniere on her brother, Joey.
Nik's face as Thea came down the aisle. Priceless. Someone once told me that, although everyone stands to watch the bride enter the room, the real drama can be seen on the groom's face as he watches her.
Thea as she is brought down the aisle by her father.
The kiss. Paul pointed out that Thea is leaning back...slightly.
Jordan had just muttered to me that he was "sweating like a fat, Mexican pig".
My lovely Gaz and me. We're probably laughing here after having commented that this looks like a prom shot.
Kate and me, doing a typical Kate and me pose.
Now who's leaning back, Paul?
The boys in their kilts.
Nik pulling an impromptu tango move during Thea and his first dance as a wedded couple.
Nik and me, doing a typical Nik and me pose.
I laughed pretty much all day, really, which was only unfortunate due to the fact that my dress was altered to fit EXTRA snuggly and was giving me mild ribcage pains...