nessun parole

Before Al Pacino played a creep in Ocean's 13, before he had his face reconstructed with plastic surgery and tanning, he stole my heart in this scene from Scent of a Woman (1992).

I still get chills.

potential

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,

“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us,
It’s in everyone,
And as we let out light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

~Nelson Madela~
(thanks, Jessica)

hot time, summer in the city

Happy June 21st.
Happy summer solstice.
Happy first day of summer.

This time last year I was moving into my apartment in High Park, returning from a road trip to Texas with the Youth Net Band and watching the FIFA World Cup finals. This year, I'm settling into my new apartment in the Bloor West Village, planning to attend Jacob and Carolyn's wedding in Texas and going to the FIFA U-20 World Cup with my brother.

New developments also include re-activating myself as a University of Toronto student, being serendipitously named the officer for 24/7 Prayer Toronto, and making time to go sailing with my family on our boat, Fledge.

Summer afternoon - summer afternoon...the two most beautiful words in the English language.
- Henry James

In summer, the song sings itself.
- William Carlos Williams

The summer night is like perfection of thought.
- Wallace Stevens

"And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."
- Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince

retrospect

"Tu seras pour moi unique au monde. Je serai pour toi unique au monde."
(Le Petit Prince)

Dear self in 2001,

You heard correctly. He has a crush on you. That's right: a crush. Don't roll your eyes. You're not so grown-up that the word doesn't have an effect on you. You're much younger than you think.

Forget your fanciful expectations for a minute. Didn't you enjoy yourself at Second Cup? You must have. You didn't move from that table all evening. Didn't he treat you with respect? Didn't he speak to you truthfully? Didn't he make you laugh?

You and I both know that you won't listen to me, or anyone else, on the subject. That's fine. You still need to discover more about yourself and life before this gift is offered again. You'll graduate university, you'll run national commercial awards, you'll travel the globe, you'll publish your poetry, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll mellow. And how then, I hear you wonder, will this little crush have any effect on you at all?

Just keep it in mind.

See you soon,
Self in 2007

My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh, my crush
Damaging my soul
You blew me off, but I don't mind
I just get better with time
And so do you
So do you
My crush

- Gavin DeGraw, "Crush"

scombridae

Spelling Bee Champ He`s home-schooled? Really? He seems so normal and well socialized.

Well, not all homeschooled kids can be as talented and socially ept as my brothers.

happy beersday

By the numbers:

27: number of years I have been alive
6: number of people chorusing "Happy Birthday" in three birthday phone calls
52: number of Facebook birthday greetings I received
(1 each from B.C., Montreal, Manitoba and Saskatchewan, 2 from England, 1 from Japan, 1 from Korea, 1 from Alaska, 2 from people I have never met in person and 1 from my old hair dresser whom I haven't visited in over three years)
3: number of office assistants from Equador who sang "happy beersday to joo" at work on Friday afternoon
4: number of hours my first birthday meal, celebrated with Amy, lasted at Joy Bistro
11: hour of the morning my incredible boyfriend, Andrew, took me out to breakfast the next morning

19: number of tracks on the birthday mix CD he made me
2,472: approximate number of freckles that appeared after an hour at the beach with Jesus

4: hour that we caught the "Pirates of the Carribean" matinée at the Paramount

9: number of cloud I was on during dinner with A. at Ultra Supper Club on Queen West

3: number of lit fountains in the pool at Queen and University that I walked through

2: number of stunning pearl earrings A. gave me...again*
15: number of minutes I spent climbing the mulberry tree in my parents' backyard with my brother, Seth
24: number of tulips sent to my office by my Kate Graham
20: number of marvelous friends that showed up at Whelan's Gate Irish Pub to celebrate last night

8: number of shots purchased for me at Whelan's...I think
4: number of days my birthday celebration lasted
2007: easily the best birthday year of my wee life

* Yes, again. In fact, the first time A. stunned me with pearl earrings was LAST year on my birthday...much weeping and gnashing of teeth followed my realization that I lost them.

mawage *

While enjoying a contemplative conversation over pints with a friend, I was reminded of two wonderful quotes - both of which are written down in a dank, dark journal of mine somewhere and should be allowed to play online.

Love is a wonderfully labyrinthine thing and, in the words of St. Paul, "I don't pretend to understand it at all", but I do know that older, wiser contemplators have gone before me. Their words, like handprints cast in concrete, show me that there is much more to learn and much more room to grow.

"Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes; in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, ore even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to."
- J.R.R. Tolkien

"We want our marriage to fulfill all of our emotional and physical needs; we ask our partner to do what an entire village once did; and to desire nothing or no one else while doing it."
- Esther Perel

- - - - -

* "Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...and wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowow you foweva... so tweasure your wuv..."
- The Impressive Clergyman, The Princess Bride