Monday, January 04, 2010

older, wiser

I met 2010 whilst counting down over a microphone, on a stage, in front of a few hundred young adults at my home church, TACF, as Andrew and I emceed the final night of the annual conference Heavy Rain. As we "FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO..."ed our way into the new year I couldn't have thought of a place I'd rather be, an activity I'd rather be enjoying, or people I'd rather be with.

In just over a week I'll be celebrating another milestone, with a very different group of people: a few of us are meeting at the YWAM base where we did our January 2000 DTS in West Sussex, England. It's strange to think that I was 19 when I landed at Holmsted Manor and congregated in the leather room with 19 of my fellow classmates. I don't remember being nervous, but I do remember wondering how to portray myself. Witty? Charming? Analytical? Which Sarah would best suit this situation? Which Sarah would they like to meet?

Since then, and over the past ten years, all the Sarahs have come together to form a more integrated one. The guests at Heavy Rain received the same Sarah, more or less, as my husband does when I get home from work. As exhausting as it sometimes was, I'm happy to report that I've chased most of the Sarahs down and made a mosaic of them.

I find retrospect dizzying. How many times do we reinvent ourselves, over and over, to achieve more balanced, more holistic, more genuine versions of ourselves? Or, vice versa: how many masks do we handcraft to hide the version of ourselves that we rather we weren't?

How many incarnations have you been through, and how are you better for them? Do you like yourself better now or did you like yourself better then?


No comments: