Part 1

I am a follower of Jesus, I was once a pastor, and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being homophobic.  

I'm sorry that through my actions and words people who are struggling with and hiding their sexuality were meant to feel silenced and shameful and less than.  

I'm sorry for trying to "pray the gay away", and for buying into the ex-gay theory.  However well intentioned, I acknowledge I was part of the problem.  After years of prayer, conversations, and study I recognize I was in the wrong.  I'm sorry for acting like you needed to be fixed.  

I'm sorry for elevating the example of a heterosexual, married couple as the ultimate goal and making you feel alienated.  

I'm sorry that even though none of it sat well with me, that I felt there must be a better way, after having a revelation in 2004 about the beauty of atonement, reading Acts 10 where it says, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.” and having a personally profound change of heart, I still promoted homophobia by not speaking up.  I’m sorry for being a closeted ally.  I’m sorry for leaning on my privilege as a cis-gendered person and figuring it was someone else’s cause to take up.

I’m sorry that it’s taken some of us a really long time to figure this out.

I’m sorry that you felt the need to choose between your affections and your faith.  I’m sorry that I haven’t been more open about my support of equal marriage rights.  I’m sorry that my silence has come at a great cost to you, because equal rights opponents aren’t afraid to speak their minds.

Someone I know says, “The church has been the main source of hatred, misunderstanding, suffering, and division in regards to the gay community for more than 100 years.  If all we do is love them, help them, support them, unconditionally, and shut our mouths for the next 100 years then perhaps we have earned the right to speak again.”

There is so much more to this revelation than a quick post, and I haven't come to conclusions in a vacuum.  In fact, the very wording and posting of my opinion here has been revised and edited for well over two years.  Some won't be happy with it.  Many will disagree with it.  I sincerely hope that I can continue to find in them love, acceptance, and relationship despite differing opinions and that the lines of communication and debate will remain open.  But this post isn't primarily for them.  It's for you.  For you, I'm speaking up.  

I support you, I celebrate you, I love you.  Because love is love.

Some things that have helped:

• Lovely, open-hearted, patient and gracious LGBTQ friends
• Acts 10
• “Epiphany” by Michael Coren
• “Torn” by Justin Lee
• An apology from church leaders to the LGBTQ community

return of the mack

Two months' hiatus must have done WONDERS for my readership however, for those of you still reading, you deserve an explanation. In the past two months I was laid off from one job, sat around eating up through my severance package for five weeks, interviewed for another job, interviewed for a second job, between the two jobs landed the one I preferred, and began this past Monday.

Add a husband who recently picked up a 3-week supply teaching gig in a special needs class, a lengthy list of things to do around the house that I finally had time to do, the announcement and consequent moving of the church we pastor to a new location, a trip to Montreal for our second anniversary (as per tradition), and my 30th birthday.

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS UP TO.

For my 30th, Andrew - the dear - bought me a very pretty new MacBook. My iBook G4 and I have had so many pleasant memories (I began this blog with her in 2005) but it was time for her to retire. The new MacBook erased any feelings of grief I might have felt.

A new decade, a new job, a church neighbourhood, a new set of dreams, and a new laptop to post on. Life is good.