mama monday: hibernation

Anyone else kicked in the crotchola by the Christmas holidays this year?  After/while surviving a two-week bout of laryngitis I hauled myself to seven holiday parties (down from nine; see: laryngitis), four family parties, a wedding in the States, and lead a three-day young adult conference whilst keeping house guests from England. 

I CAN DO ALL THE THINGS!

This type of lifestyle flies in the face of my end-of-summer mantra: dolce far niente.  Here it is, 2011, and I'm admitting that my last goal met its defeat in just under three months.  Instead of dolce far niente-ing I've been keeping a schedule that looks like this:

And feels something like this:



This four-minute TED talk from Arriana Huffington reminded me again to refocus: we need rest, not simply as a luxury but as a prescription, to accomplish our goals.  She quotes:

"The way to a more productive, more inspired, more joyful life is getting enough sleep.  And we women are going to lead the way in this new revolution, this new feminist issue.  We are literally going to sleep our way to the top."

Two friends of mine simplified my goal for me and I've been pulling their words around me like a woolen throw when I feel a draft of despondency in the baby making journey.

Melissa blogged:

"I now know the sweet enjoyment of the small things, the things we miss while going about life a hundred miles per minute.  I watch Noah as he takes in life around him, sucking it in through his wide eyes, trying to stay awake so he can soak in more.  He inspires me.  I don’t just go to the store now, I take a walk, I hear the leaves crinkle and the wind blow, I feel and taste the crisp air, I take pleasure in going to the store.  I don’t just sleep, I rest. I go to coffee with a friend, I really listen.  I enjoy and appreciate my husband on a whole new level, he is now a father. I don’t just eat I savour.  I buy my favourite dark chocolate, I deserve it.  I listen to Christmas music, even if it's too early.  I kiss my little boys cheeks and hands and feet till their red."

And Nicole emailed:

"Your kid is going to effect this world in a major way - BabyGaz can't be born at just any time, it's got to be the RIGHT time. Take heart, friend. You're doing great. You just keep on being immersed in love and let the magic happen. It'll all happen at the right time."

I'm looking forward to 2011 because, for the first time in long time, my schedule looks like this:

And, this year, I hope to keep it that way.

stressbuster

Does anyone else find that the new year brings a new outlook on life? I find that January, much like June (my birthday) and September, is a sorting month. If life is like a desktop, the new year gives me a chance to pour myself a cup of tea, play some vintage jazz, set aside an hour or two, and work from one side of the desk to the other - until everything is organized in tidy piles, colour-coordinated Post Its, detailed To Do Lists, and an overflowing recycling bin.

I found a few interesting articles that talk about responsibilities in the new year, and how to slim your tasks down to a more manageable size. One of them, from the Harvard Business Review, outlines the fine art of saying "no" which I find is generally lost in modern society. Not "no" to the good things, the helpful things, the useful things, but "no" to the things that are incidental or motivated by guilt. Saying "no" has been as useful to me as saying "yes"(to the right things) in my quest to maintain a healthy, balanced schedule.

I also came across this mental state matrix which not only is fun to stare at (I have a thing for matrixes...matrixi?) but also can help with how and when to say "no", and how to understand your stress level based on the element of uncertainty and patience available:


Similarly, an article in the Globe & Mail reviewed a book by John Freeman called "The Tyranny of E-Mail". In it, Freeman quotes an anonymous commenter who warned President Theodore Roosevelt in 1905 that "the stenographer, the typewriter, and the printing press are invaluable agents of civilization, but they have their drawbacks. They have inundated us with a plague of words." And, I'd add, duties.

One of Freeman's tips is

Don't check your e-mail first thing in the morning or last thing at night. It just stirs up worries, and erodes boundaries between personal and work life.

As for me, I'll be taking Monday nights off, spending Tuesdays exclusively with Andrew on date night, and making myself get out of the house on Saturdays to see the city and meet with people for some quality face time. Without a time limit.

Don't be surprised if you can't reach me by phone or email. It's not personal. I'm just working on my Mental State Matrix.