mama monday: hope

One of the hardest commodities to hold on to while trying to conceive is hope.  I guess the same is true of any situation where the outcome is just out of reach - whether hoping to be hired, or hoping to be accepted, or hoping for healing, or hoping to find someone to spend the rest of your life with.

I once felt hope was cyclical.  It germinated, sprouted, bloomed, and then seemed to curl up and die before it was reborn again.  Over the past year, I've realized that it isn't cyclical at all.  The hope I have today of becoming pregnant is not the hope I had last year, or even last month.  It's stronger, deeper, and truer.  The growth/dormant stages I felt were actually spurts of progress and less obvious progress.  But it was always progress.

On a bad day, I still need my friends around me and I'll sometimes send out an email to ask for prayer (community is so helpful in times of extended hope-a-thons).  On a good day, I feel like my friend Naomi did when she so elegantly quoted these words in response to a piece of music called "Radio Protector" by 65daysofstatic.

I've included it here and recommend listening to it while you read.  The video is an unofficial one, but nonetheless enchanting:



While listening to the crescendo of the song, Naomi mused:

It feels like something's alive inside
Like I have motivation to fix whatever I want to
I have all the hope in the world

...I'm learning what it is to be content
That not everybody needs to know everything
There is beauty in the mystery
There is beauty in things not unveiled

It's not easy to hope.  It takes time and energy and a lot of guts.  But as my wise husband says, "It takes the same effort to worry as it does to have faith."  Worry tears and corrupts and demoralizes and although hope might sometimes feel like an uphill battle, its only goal is to mend and clarify and hearten.  As long as time and energy and guts are required I'd rather be hoping.

And when I'm tempted to give up, I like to remember the words of C.S. Lewis: "There seems no plan because it is all plan".

---

 

Yahweh, Yahweh

Always pain before a child is born

Yahweh, Yahweh

Still I'm waiting for the dawn

- U2 (Yaweh)

“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,
and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed
to worry about anything whatsoever.”
- Mahatma Ghandi

mama monday: serenity...now

If I were granted one superhero ability it would be to fly, although living outside of time would be tempting.  Especially when I'm in the process of waiting for something.  Which is all the time.

Last week my post about chilling out prompted a response from my brother.  Here's a bit of it:

here is one quote of a friend that has demolished me:

"if I had known where I would be today, I would have been smiling all along the way"

this was written a few days before his wedding.

as I'm a fan of brain-experiments with time/space travel - I love this. think about it; look at yourself a year ago worrying about whatever that was. now look at you life now. now look at you in the future, laughing your ass off at your circumstances you worry about today. (now look back at your man - sadly, he isn't me. this post is now diamonds!)

Not only did he score extra points by referencing Old Spice, but he also ended the comment with Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy" (seriously, did anyone else know that Robin Williams is in that music video?).

The other day God said, "When you become pregnant, everything changes.  Your body changes, your priorities change, your spare time changes, and the attention of others changes - it will be on you.  For now, enjoy doing all the things that you want with your body, priorities, and spare time, and use them to pour attention out on others.  Because you can."

I love this quote:

"Once you bring life into this world, you must protect it. We must protect it by changing the world."  (Elie Weisel)

Instead of waiting for something to happen we can prepare for it to happen.  The song isn't just "Don't Worry" (we can't define ourselves by a negative), it's "Don't Worry, BE HAPPY."  If a time machine was serendipitously dropped into my life today, I'd (hopefully) have the sense to say, "No thanks.  I'm living in the present.  And there is plenty enough to do in the present to keep me occupied and happy."

Plus, it is said of the only one who is omiscient:

God is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you. Don't be intimidated. Don't worry.  (Deuteronomy 31:8, The Message)

---

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we're frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We'll certainly be happy when they're out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you finish school, 

until you go back to school, 

until you lose ten pounds, 

until you gain ten pounds, 

until you have kids, 

until your kids leave the house, 

until you start work, 

until you retire, 

until you get married, 

until you get divorced, 

until Friday night, 

until Sunday morning, 

until you get a new car or home, 

until your car or home is paid off, 

until spring, 

until summer, 

until fall, 

until winter, 

until you're off welfare, 

until the first or fifteenth, 

until your song comes on, 

until you've had a drink, 

until you've sobered up, 

until you die, 

until you're born again 

to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

- Crystal Boyd