Monday, January 21, 2008

m-a-r-r-i-e-d

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love,
though I'd stepped in it a few times."
(Rita Rudner)


Late last night, when Andrew dropped me off at my apartment, he expressed wide-eyed fascination? panic? awe? with the prospect of being married in four months' time.

"I mean, I'm going to be married. Married. Married. M-A-R-R-I-E-D, married. Waking up to the same person every morning, planning a life together, RSPs, married."

Yes, RSPs.

Yesterday marked four months until our wedding date. I keep saying it to myself thinking that it will become more fascinating? scarier? more awe-inspiring? but, for me, it only evokes serene contemplations. Which, for those of you who know me, seems like an oxymoron.

I've been working out my personal fears for a while. I'd say thirteen years. Nik, a loyal friend and sometimes therapist through my university years, used to tease me by saying, "I don't know of anyone who analyzes more than you do and yet gets less than nowhere with it." (or something to that effect...sorry, Nik, for the paraphrase) As I spun my wheels, however, I think God helped me work out some of the kinks.

Like: Why is it always "pastor's wife" and never "pastor's husband"?
Like: If I get married, will I still be able to do the things that I like?
Like: Can I live multiple lives in other dimensions whereby I can be a loving wife/stay-at-home mom with a litter of kiddies AND travel the world meeting new people AND be a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and professor?

My year spent in Korea helped with the process. Not only was I getting most of my AWOL tenancies out of my system (whilst God kept subtly pointing out lyrics such as "lights will guide you home" and "the ships have come to carry you home") and my independent, isolated existence was losing its novelty, but I also faced questions about fear head-on in September 2005.

And God's love won.

"He is love. And if He's writing my story, then whom shall I fear?"

And it's interesting to see that Andrew was himself traveling and contemplating in September 2005:
"I’m ok on my own but I don’t want to be ok on my own… it would be nice to have a wife here with me."

To answer Sherri Byer's question posed to me on Facebook this morning:
"Now, the question is, and note the distinction: are you counting down the days till you get married, or are you counting down the single days?"

My answer is both. And I'm celebrating both.

4 comments:

A.J. said...

We think the Mrs. in Mr and Mrs stands for "Matching rings scenario!" Yep, everything changes and it's awesome!!!

PS.... look I am still alive in Blog land... i even posted something. Please say you are proud!?

Zoltan said...

Yesterday marked four months until our wedding date

Four months from yesterday would be... May 20th. A Tuesday? One of us needs to recheck their math. Or, I guess I could look at my invite...

Andrew G said...

four quick months...

God bless Mr Zoltan

mimou said...

Haha I can totally understand the multiple life thing. That's the problem we women face in today's world..And something I can relate to!