Wednesday, August 19, 2009

wifercize wednesday: secrecy

I just finished reading an article in MORE: Canada's Magazine Celebrating Women Over 40 which is delivered free of charge to my office every month. I read it because, well, if 40s are the new 30s, and 30s are the new 20s, then I NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT RETIREMENT. Plus, it has a pretty, shiny cover.

In it, the author (under the pseudonym "Ivana Filler", a bad joke which will make sense shortly), goes to a cosmetic dermatologist to have a wrinkle filler treatment (called hyaluronic acid...who voluntarily injects ACID into their FACE?) without her husband's knowledge. The trick is to see if the treatment can remain unnoticed by her husband, since he is an outspoken advocate of aging gracefully. She maintains her anonymity throughout the article and ends the piece celebratorily, since he seemed more interested in a "small, black streak on the underside of the front bumper" of their car than her facial alteration.

She advises him to just rub it off. "No one will even notice," she concludes. Zing!

My issue isn't so much her anonymity (although I have opinions about that), or anti-aging treatments (surprisingly, I have opinions about that too), or the tired stereotyping of men who are more into cars than relationships (right on cue, hubby tweets this), OR that it seemed her secrecy stemmed from selfishness desire (the mighty "I"), but that she would a) do something that her husband obviously didn't like (or consider necessary), and b) keep it from him.

It reminds me of this great quote of Michelle Pfieffer's, from an interview with InStyle:
When Pfeiffer heard a so-called expert on marriage and romance advocate "keeping the mystery" between partners, the actress found it hilarious. "Can you imagine, for 20 years, trying to stay mysterious in your relationship?" she asks, guffawing. "That's the worst advice I've ever heard. Of all the people in your life you don't want to hide from, it's your partner."
If the first year of marriage has taught me anything, it has taught me communication and openness. It's a two-way street that requires a lot of bravery and courage but is the only way, that I can see, of fulfilling the mystery of "oneness" that marriage promises. Since you see each other naked, you might as well be honest with your other half. Message to wives: lets not bluff our way through life. Better a disagreement in the light than a secret kept in the dark. Things that grow in the dark aren't pretty. Not even if you inject them with hyaluronic acid.

Which, I suppose, makes me wonder how integrated we are before we get into a marital relationship. Are we being honest with ourselves? With our friends? Message to pre-wives: start living open, honest lives now. It'll make it easier to live an open, honest life with a hubby.

"I want to be clear, I want to be open
I want my eyes to be deep as the deep blue sea
I want to live real and transparently
So if you want to see me, you can see me."
- Jeanine Noyes, Transparent

1 comment:

lois said...

wondered if you knew this song... xoxo