Wednesday, April 14, 2010

wifersize wednesday: married sex

During the credits of "Date Night", Steve Carell and Tina Fey's overworked, middle-aged, suburban characters make out on their front lawn after rekindling their romance throughout the film. Oh, *spoiler*, sorry. I'm pretty sure you would have worked that one out on your own. Please go out and see it: it's a great movie and I laughed so hard at one point I thought I almost threw up.

The make out session prompted Andrew to conjecture on the way home that Hollywood was really changing it's game: portraying sex as a sign of a happy relationship.

"Wha-at?" I argued. "Hollywood ALWAYS shows the sex side of relationships!"
"No, I meant of marriage relationships."

He went on to remind me of Meryl and Stanley's adorable portrayal of Julia and Paul Child in "Julie & Julia", as they romped around in their bedroom in Paris (while Julia memorably narrates: "Morning class ends at 12:30, then I go home and make lunch for Paul...Then Paul takes a nap.").

I can remember the tag line of a Carlsburg commercial that aired a few years ago:
"A friend of mine once tried to tell me that the best sex I'd ever have would be with my wife. He was right."
Not only am I a big fan of married sex, but I also wonder if we all - deep down - are fans of it because it means comfort. If an unmarried couple hooks up on screen we feel excited, nervous, and titillated. If a married couple acts scandalously, we giggle. We're a little embarrassed, yes, but also pleased. And...comforted. Married sex means commitment, married sex means permanence, married sex means (eww!) OUR PARENTS.

How many people of my generation grew up seeing their parents hug, kiss, flirt, and joke with each other? But for those who did (and I consider myself incredibly blessed to be in this group), were we not pleased? We'd be making gagging sounds but, inside, we knew that they were still very much in love and that meant that we were safe.

Growing up, my brothers and I would yell GET A ROOM when our parents kissed in front of us. EW, GROSS, DON'T DO THAT HERE, GO DO THAT SOMEWHERE PRIVATELY (...but, really, we like it and it makes us happy inside...)

Andrew and I are happily sending the message to anyone that will listen that marriage is good, that married sex is the best sex, and that PDA is not only healthy but necessary for the security, comfort, and education of those who look up to us. Half the time we don't even mean to - it's just that good! On Wednesday, Andrew had my favourite flowers delivered to the office for no particular reason. The note read: "I love you. I always will. Andrew."

And thanks to my brother who casually pointed out to me: "You might want to keep your vacuum away from your neck next time."


Rebecca MacIntosh said...

So true... both the laughing till throw up point in Date night, and PDA is awesome married! ;)

Sarah Aubrey said...

Steve Carell carrying Tina Fey's legs around a pole was the highlight of the movie for me.

Andrew G said...

we should try that pole move sometime, La

Anonymous said...

Erm...just to check the veracity and validity of your statement that "married sex is the best sex" - have you had a lot of non-married sex, for comparison?

I've never had marred sex and I'm not knocking it, but the non-married sex I've had has generally been pretty good, and on occasion (and with the right partner) absolutely spectacular.

Woody Allen (I believe) once said something like, "Even the worst sex is still pretty good."

Anonymous said...

I would have to agree with the previous anonymous comment - weren't you pro-abstinence before you got married?

You don't really seem to be in a position to pass judgment on this topic.

BTW:How do you even know if you are doing it right? Sorry, I had to go there.

Sarah Aubrey said...

To clarify: the adjective "good" isn't meant to describe technique - I'm sure there are a few professionals that are "good" in that respect.

By pointing out that married sex is "good" I mean that it is what sex is designed for. Having not experienced pre-marital sex, as you point out, I would still wager that sex with someone that has committed themselves to you for the rest of their life beats sex with anyone else.

Neither Anonymouses seem to have had experience of married sex, however, and therefore I can assure them: it's good, and we're definitely doing it right.

Courtney said...

The fact that no comparison can be made is one of the things that MAKES married sex (without pre-marital experience) so good. I think anonymouses above are probably referring specifically to orgasms... can I say orgasms here... and one of the joys of married sex is that it isn't that short sighted. It encompasses so much more... orgasms (thankfully) and so much more.

Anonymous said...

This is the first Anonymous (I checked back to see if Sarah had replied to my comment - and for the record, I have no idea who the other Anonymous is).

Sarah, you said: ...that it is what sex is designed for. First, I'm not going to even start about the word "designed"...moving on, sex is intended for procreation. That's it. And the focus of that is for orgasms, 'cause you can't have kids w/o orgasms (well, male orgasms - the female ones really aren't needed for the whole procreation thing (and whole I'm in paratheses here, Courtney, I sure hope we can type 'orgasm' here 'cause I've just done it a half-dozen times)). And if you're having sex and deliberately circumventing the procreation aspect (through some form of birth control) then you are no longer having sex for the reason it was "designed".

Anyway...Sarah, it sounds like what you're talking about is acts that promote togetherness and bonding. Is having a meal, singing a song, or playing cards with someone to whom you are married better than with anyone else?

Anonymous said...

Hey 1st & 2nd Anonymouses...

My husband's had both...he HIGHLY prefers the married version, you'd have to ask him! And i know he's not just saying that to please me, cuz he makes grunting noises and barely speaks legibly with other undecipherable sounds when describing how much he loves married sex vs. pre-married sex. LOL - i'm blushing.

Anyway, if anything, maybe what you can take away from all of this is that marriage is not the end of a supremely wonderful sex-life and i think what Sarah meant by "design" is that society makes out sex to be something that's given out as easily as the condoms passed out in college halls, where dudes and dudettes alike boast of sleeping with someone the night before without even knowing their names. Conversely, society also makes out that marriage is like a ball-and-chain, the end of all things fun, independent and free.

However, could there possibly be a third option? One where marriage can be the start of the best time of your life? Where looking back to college or young adult-hood as being the prime of life is replaced with looking forward knowing that the best is still to come? Well, my marriage makes me blush. thinking about my husband turns me on. I've had A LOT of fun as a single woman, but i'm having HECK of a lot more with my very best friend - including super hot sex - knowing full well that when i wake up in the morning and my breath stinks and i have goop in my eyes, he'll always still be there, giving me morning-breath kisses "so long as we both shall live."


<3 Linda