fear and loathing on facebook

Maybe it's just the circles I run in, but I'm seeing a lot of opposition to the new sex education curriculum proposed in Ontario.

Like, a lot.  

Like, I miss the good old days of global warming and vaccine conspiracies plugging up my Facebook wall.

The problem with these protestations is not that people have differing opinions but that these opinions are not often their own.  This will not be a post on the intricacies of the curriculum itself but rather directed to those who don't take the time to read the curriculum itself in order to familiarize themselves with the intricacies.

There's a word for stealing other people's ideas in lieu of using original, creative arguments: plagiarism.

And is that what we want to pass on to our kids as an ideal way of living?  Do we want them to grow into adulthood thinking that a broken-telephone-system of hearsay and rumour and fear-mongering and assumptions and clouded understanding is the best way to make an opinion? 

Isn't the opposite of education, ignorance?

I become weary of the SIGN THIS PETITION and MEET ME AT THE PROTEST and WRITE YOUR MPP NOW invitations because when there really is a valid issue to sign a petition for, or protest, or write our MPP about, I feel as if our voice will be tuned out.  

There are too many legitimately appalling issues that we should be taking steps to reform.  Rational, engaging, tolerant and fair education curriculum isn't one of them.

If you're still hot under the collar, try these ideas:

1. Believe in yourself.  You are an intelligent person, and extremely qualified in the area of childrearing if you are, indeed, rearing a child.  So give those eyeballs a rub, connect them to that beautiful brain and read the curriculum.  Yes, it's lengthy.  But, let's face it, if you're hot under the collar you're most likely focusing on the sexy bits (frankly, you should read it for its incredible overall approach to fostering mental, physical and emotional health rather than just "command+F" phrases like "anal sex").  But, whatever.  Just read it.
2. If you would like a balanced view on the subject, instead of bouncing your ideas off of people who share the same ideas, take a teacher out for a coffee.  Actually, take a teacher out for a coffee anyway.  They work damn hard.  And, contrary to some opinions, are not hell-bent on perverting your child.  If you can't commit to coffee, at least give them a hug.
3. If you still want something to post on your Facebook wall, after all that self-education and coffee and hugging, try this brilliant article.
4. While you're on a curriculum high, try thinking of other areas than sex ed where your child could benefit from additional education at home.  Are the history lessons Western-centric?  Are the literature selections male-centric?  Are the mathematic exercises devoid of real-life financial applications?
5. Feel free to write a member of the government, and try making it nice.  Encourage your city counsellor, your MP, and your MPP for all the hard work they put into making your life a little better.  It doesn't matter if you voted for them or believe in their politics.  For extra bonus points, send a quick email to Premier Kathleen Wynne thanking her for doing a job that you would never want to do.

But, if you can't do all six, just read the curriculum.  And use Facebook to post pictures of your adorable, creative, educated family.

“Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda 

wifersize wednesday: sexy time!

Yeay!  Another post on sex!  Let the peasants rejoice!  Let the hit count on my blog overflow!

So I was reading an article by one of my favourite online authors, Jon Acuff, who writes on his blog "Stuff Christians Like:

I hope that every time we say sex before marriage is harmful, we’ll say “sex after marriage is neon awesome.”

Christians have done their fair share of guilting, shaming, and condemning the general public into saving sex for marriage, but then the view of married sex they give to back it up looks like this:

When it should look more like this:

Psychologists have long held the opinion that we react better to positive reinforcement than negative reinforcement, so why are we vilifying premarital sex without balancing out the equation?  At least balancing!

Perhaps its a puritan backlash against the way premarital sex is discussed in the media.  This article on sex on broadcast television does an amazing job of breaking down just how one-sided (and unrealistic) the depictions of single/married relationships are:

In this article (summary of a book with the same title) the statistics do one more than balancing the scales:

About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it's 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.

This reminded me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother we recently watched in which Ted (single), Barney (single), and Marshall (married) were arguing over who had "more game".  Ted and Barney had ignored Marshall almost entirely until he did the research and recounted:

If Lily and I have sex twice a week, which, let's be honest, we all know is being conservative, and we've been together 10 years, plus 17 more times on the honeymoon, minus the two-week drought when I said the checker at the grocery store looked like a young Lily, then, we have had sex a total of, wait for it, 1,053-1/2 times.  My mom called once.

More frequent, more fulfilling, more fun sex after marriage.  Should we be surprised?  Isn't that what the plan was all along?

wifersize wednesday: married sex

During the credits of "Date Night", Steve Carell and Tina Fey's overworked, middle-aged, suburban characters make out on their front lawn after rekindling their romance throughout the film. Oh, *spoiler*, sorry. I'm pretty sure you would have worked that one out on your own. Please go out and see it: it's a great movie and I laughed so hard at one point I thought I almost threw up.

The make out session prompted Andrew to conjecture on the way home that Hollywood was really changing it's game: portraying sex as a sign of a happy relationship.

"Wha-at?" I argued. "Hollywood ALWAYS shows the sex side of relationships!"
"No, I meant of marriage relationships."

He went on to remind me of Meryl and Stanley's adorable portrayal of Julia and Paul Child in "Julie & Julia", as they romped around in their bedroom in Paris (while Julia memorably narrates: "Morning class ends at 12:30, then I go home and make lunch for Paul...Then Paul takes a nap.").

I can remember the tag line of a Carlsburg commercial that aired a few years ago:

"A friend of mine once tried to tell me that the best sex I'd ever have would be with my wife. He was right."

Not only am I a big fan of married sex, but I also wonder if we all - deep down - are fans of it because it means comfort. If an unmarried couple hooks up on screen we feel excited, nervous, and titillated. If a married couple acts scandalously, we giggle. We're a little embarrassed, yes, but also pleased. And...comforted. Married sex means commitment, married sex means permanence, married sex means (eww!) OUR PARENTS.

How many people of my generation grew up seeing their parents hug, kiss, flirt, and joke with each other? But for those who did (and I consider myself incredibly blessed to be in this group), were we not pleased? We'd be making gagging sounds but, inside, we knew that they were still very much in love and that meant that we were safe.

Growing up, my brothers and I would yell GET A ROOM when our parents kissed in front of us. EW, GROSS, DON'T DO THAT HERE, GO DO THAT SOMEWHERE PRIVATELY (...but, really, we like it and it makes us happy inside...)

Andrew and I are happily sending the message to anyone that will listen that marriage is good, that married sex is the best sex, and that PDA is not only healthy but necessary for the security, comfort, and education of those who look up to us. Half the time we don't even mean to - it's just that good! On Wednesday, Andrew had my favourite flowers delivered to the office for no particular reason. The note read: "I love you. I always will. Andrew."

And thanks to my brother who casually pointed out to me: "You might want to keep your vacuum away from your neck next time."

fruit of self-control

It started this morning when I read over someone's shoulder that 32-year old Adam Giambrone, city councillor, TTC chair, and mayoral hopeful, publicly admitted to engaging in multiple "intimate relationships" other than with his live-in girlfriend, Sarah McQuarrie. Bummer.

I've written on political sex scandals before, as well as how things should be done, but, to be honest, I'm tired of even hearing about it. Sex scandals have become ubiquitous.

My own opinion of Giambrone has been altered little (as a TTC patron I had hoped for improvements, not fare hikes), but still I'm saddened. I'm sad for my husband, who admired (perhaps vicariously) Giambrone's young ambition, I'm sad for the politicians who had supported his run for mayor, I'm sad for Sarah McQuarrie, I'm even sad for Kristen Lucas - the U of T student involved in one of the affairs. In my opinion, no one wins.

I'm sad for Giambrone. It seems that the self-control he lacks has plagued him for a while. Last year he was in the news for a "hastily-composed email" he sent to a fellow councillor:

“Stop messing in my ward or there will be problems. I generally ignore your actions, but I am going to start looking for ways to cause trouble for you and when I start you’re not going to appreciate it.”

I thought we outgrew this behaviour in grade school. Bummer.

Later this morning I came across news that legendary guitarist John Mayer had created a stir in the news after recently giving a candid, yet sordid, interview. He then tearfully apologized. But much like Giambrone, it was not his first brush with vulgarity. His interviews interviews and antics have become increasingly distasteful. He admits that he "fell into a wormhole of selfishness, greediness and arrogance".

A few months ago I wrote about etiquette and the lost art thereof. At the heart of etiquette, or common decency, is self-control. Andrew and I call it "the filter". Filtering out what shouldn't be said or done and allowing what should. It's not just a case of battling against your urges, appetites, and bad habits for the sake of piety, or points, or good karma. That's an exhausting, never-ending, and ultimately backfiring solution. I know: bummer.

The reason we make stupid decisions is because we're trying to fill a lack. We don't need to let off steam in emails, or let loose in office daliances, or let a "quest to be clever" dictate our vocabulary, or let ourselves run up on stage and grab the mic to voice our opinions... What we need is a dose of being told we're better than those things. That we'd be OK - we'd still be loved, admired, satisfied, understood - if we didn't do those things.

The lives we envy are lives governed by self-control. A happy marriage, a successful career, and a sensitive conscience are just by-products.

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
(1 Corinthians 10:23-24, NIV)

"A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!"
(James 3:3-5, The Message)

Carter Duryea: "Dan, you seem to have the perfect marriage. How do you do it?"
Dan Foreman: "You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and then when you're outside of the foxhole you keep your d**k in your pants."
Carter Duryea: "That's poetic."
("In Good Company")