the big day

Nikolas Delic and Althea Pacis will be married by this time tomorrow. Actually, I won't post exactly what they'll be doing this time tomorrow but, needless to say, Nik's primary love language is "physical touch".

Darling Craptastics, I love you to bits. I can't imagine my life without you. And I love how three, four, five years of university has spilled out into the rest of our adult life. I feel lucky just to have been privy to one of the best stories to come out of ECF. I feel honoured to wear the aqua/turquoise/blue dress of the bridesmaid tomorrow morning/afternoon/evening.

It's 11:12 p.m. and I have to be up for 6:30 a.m. for a hair appointment. Should I even bother? I think I'll watch my rented copy of My Best Friend's Wedding while I give myself a manicure and pedicure instead...

mumbo-jumbo

More bargain-basement, internet-based, psycho-analysis.

A Love Language Test, for all the couples out there.

Complete set of results:

Quality Time:		10
Physical Touch:		9
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		1

And, much more important for the testing of compatibility, this quiz.

You scored as Peter Pan.
Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up.

Peter Pan		94%
Goofy		81%
Cruella De Ville		75%
Ariel		75%
Sleeping Beauty		69%
Donald Duck		69%
The Beast		63%
Cinderella		44%
Pinocchio		38%
Snow White		38%

Post your results, kids. I'm interested in seeing how high Rennie scores in the area of physical touch...considering he short circuits when subjected to it...

compatibility

Still flipping through old journals...

Since we're on the subject of compatibility between couples, etc. I thought this was appropriate. I seem to have picked it up along my travels, and just did a search on the author: Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

* * *

A relationship coach lays out his five golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "Wer're in love." I believe it is the number one mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

1. Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: 1. You can grow together, or 2. You can grow apart. Fifty percent of people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing. If the so and so you're in love with doesn't want the same thing you do you might as well opt out of it now than when it's too late.
2. Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust, ie: trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
3. Is he/she a 'mensch'? A 'mensch' is someone sho is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: people who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
4. How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed. To measure this, think about the following: how do they treat peoplel whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, taxi drivers, etc? How do they treat paretns and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciataion? Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who haved given them everything, you cannot expect thaty they'll have gratitude for you who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
5. Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage and for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way thtey are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, selecting your partner doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are selecting, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

archive

I can't decide whether reviewing the past is a privilege or a punishment. Tonight, I read through journals of mine from 1999-2003...eek. On the up-side of things, I found this list of "Things I Love", written by my 19 year-old self. Now, at 26, I have no amendments to make.

* * *
feet ~ men's cologne ~ inside jokes ~ eyes ~ teeth ~ beautiful art ~ people ~ literature ~ poetry ~ a lake at sunrise ~ cats ~ nail polish ~ jewelry ~ long dresses ~ my family ~ God's intervention ~ music ~ crying ~ other countries ~ Latin ~ dancing ~ praying ~ people's backs ~ silver ~ passion ~ my bed ~ memories ~ camp ~ kisses ~ wonder ~ cities ~ streams ~ sketching ~ my hair ~ prophecies ~ time alone ~ parties ~ feeling elegant ~ candlelight ~ biking downhill ~ French ~ tea ~ laughing ~ swimming ~ being barefoot ~ all-nighters ~ phone calls ~ makeup ~ the future ~ airplanes ~ opening emails ~ dreams ~ slow jazz ~ rollercoasters ~ clothing ~ shoes ~ photographs ~ Christmas ~ croissants ~ writing ~ theaters ~ backstage ~ acting ~ fighting ~ snow ~ romance ~ applause ~ whispering ~ avocadoes ~ fields ~ mischief ~ wrestling ~ campfires ~ revelation ~ evesdropping ~ violins ~ painting ~ wood nymphs ~ duvets ~ people in love with Jesus ~ the hypothetical ~ autumn ~ simplicity ~ extravagence ~ orange ~ tenderness ~ sarcasm ~ pregnant women ~ flashbacks ~ lime green ~ symbolism ~ hippies ~ the smell of old books ~ hands ~ raiding ~ vintage ~ locked eye contact ~ summer storms ~ baby clothes ~ old couples in love ~ sweaters ~ night ~ magic ~ trust ~ birds ~ holding hands ~ moss ~ London ~ movies ~ Samuel ~ passion ~ distance ~ touch ~ perfection ~ imperfections ~ swing dancing ~ improv ~ forgiveness ~ waterfalls ~ soup ~ monsoons

And "Things I Hate", just for kicks:
lying ~ piety ~ religious barriers ~ death ~ lost contacts ~ alterior motives ~ hangnails ~ confinement ~ 80's fashion ~ country music ~ whiners ~ pain ~ regret ~ hangovers ~ migraines ~ endings ~ spoilt children ~ deadlines ~ procrastinating ~ injustice ~ goodbyes ~ time constraints ~ insensitivity ~ computers ~ politics ~ hubris ~ exhaustion ~ uncoordination ~ cankers ~ fear ~ poverty ~ misunderstanding ~ seclusion ~ greed ~ money ~ sin ~ my weakness ~ blind anger

where to from here?

A post to spark some conversation...

I went out to coffee with a friend, Carol Hay, last night. I was once in Carol's cell group at TACF - back in the day - and it was refreshing to connect with her again. I have bounced myself around the globe since we last saw each other, and she has taken on the North American chapter of a group called Deborah Arise. Very cool, very wise woman with a heart for cool, younger women.

I had been talking to her about my friends getting engaged/married, being of "that age", and Carol asked me a poignant question:

"Are they [the women] in relationships that foster their vision and calling?"

We spoke at length about the desire (emotionally, physically, mentally, socially) to get married ("As old as Eve," she said.) in young women and whether or not they continue with the dreams that they had before they were married. It's a question that isn't very popular to ask because the fear is that women can't do both - they can't be a wife/mother AND follow their calling. It's an unfounded fear, because it very much can be done, but it's a fear nonetheless.

It's not just for the women to ask themselves, but also for the men: Are you pursuing your calling? Are you helping to foster the calling in your spouse? Are you compromising your dreams for someone else's?

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
- Proverbs 31:31

872.56

My darling boyfriend has left this morning, with three of his friends, on a roadtrip to the East coast of Canada for a week.

I have decided to mourn appropriately, by throwing Thea a bachelorette party tonight.

I have been told, by various people, not to complain about being unable to see Andrew for a week. Kate and Paul are separated by a four hour drive (Paul lives in Sudbury, Kate in Oakville) and only get to see each other every two weeks. Poor Jake is even worse off, having met and fallen in love with a charming Texan over a month ago (by the way, are they not the cutest?).

I should be grateful to have met someone who heralds Toronto as home. Maybe it's fate's way of repaying me for having lived most of my adult life oceans apart from people I love. And I should be grateful that Andrew's not an ocean away. Only 872.56 miles.

driven to distraction

Some have observed that the population of blogland is diminishing. Or at least the flow of posting/commenting traffic. I, for one, am not going to desert Blogspot for quite a while yet but I really wish I could post like I used to. In Korea, I had scads of time on my hands to contemplate and post about those contemplations.

Today, all I can think of is bachelorettes (and male strippers), kissing, engagements, weddings, rings, and showers. Not much of a post, I'll admit, but I blame love. It's in the air.