one month

1 month.
30 days.
730 hours.
43,829 minutes.
2,649,743 seconds.

I'm not sure how I managed to score the best man on the planet but somehow I did. And in one month's time I'll be able to call this man - this kind, handsome, Godly, benevolent, strong, gracious, sexy, brave, intelligent, witty, confident, charming, intuitive man - my husband.

"Things aren't so tangible and sayable
as people would usually have us believe;
most experiences are unsayable,
they happen in a space that no word has ever entered."
- Ranier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

april showers

April's a funny month.

It's full of hope and promise and expectation. And change. And uncertainty.

A lovely friend of mine was lamenting, recently, what we have now deemed The Anne Syndrome which is taken from the lines:

Anne Shirley: Why do people have to grow up and marry, change?
Gilbert Blythe: Oh, you'd change. If someone ever admitted that they were head over heels for you, you'd be swept off your feet in a moment.
Anne Shirley: I would not, and I defy anyone who would try and make me change.

Tomorrow marks five weeks until the wedding. The thought of being married makes me feel all gooey inside - like when you're at the top of a very high part in a roller coaster, about to plummet, and you can't squeeze the railing in front of you because your hands just won't work.

I researched past Aprils on my blog and discovered that in 2006, when I was allowing my heart to thaw and learning to trust, and in 2007, when I was contemplating a life spent with Andrew and wondering when it would happen, I was no more sure of my future or what it would hold that I am now.

April is unusual. Crocuses are sprouting up beside dirty, leftover mounds of snow. The change in sunlight invigorates and confuses us. We're ecstatic about the warmer weather, but hesitant to put our parkas into storage yet.

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
- The Byrds, inspired by Ecclesiastes 1:8

pensive

Things I'm wondering about today:

• Ashlee Simpson said, in regards to her recent engagement to Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy, "We're past the honeymoon period...It's just a really awesome thing." How odd is it that couples are constantly using the term "past the honeymoon period" prior to ever having been on a honeymoon...or having been married?
  
  
• On the TTC, three signs are posted throughout a bus or streetcar to encourage patrons to seat themselves first at the back of the bus to allow more passengers on. The first of which says: "Step to the rear", the second: "A little Further back, PLEASE!", and the third: "THANK YOU for moving back!"
  

1. Why would they use a word like "rear" if the general population of Torontonians would either a) not understand, or b) never use it over the simple word "back"?
2. Why is punctuation missing from the first sign and present for the next two?
3. Why is "further" capitalized?
4. Why are we yelling "PLEASE" and "THANK YOU"?
5. Who edited these stickers before going to production, printing off thousands of them to be posted on every bus and streetcar in Toronto, and broadcasting the their inefficiency?

• On a somewhat related note, I recently found an animal activist group on Facebook that sparked a very heated debate. Someone commented about the misuse of the words "they're" and "there" in a previous commenter's post and tempers flared. The response, from Clint, was:
  
  "You're right this is an interesting topic but if communicating with people who don't use proper grammar irritates you so much then what are you doing on facebook at all? I mean come on, surly you've come to realize that this is where grammar goes to die, so why can't you just learn to accept that and listen to what people have to say and not how they say it?"
  
  Is that true? Has grammar died? Has it been bludgeoned at the hand of MySpace, Facebook, and texting ("how r u 2day?", "gr8!")? Strange how I found this much more disturbing a fact than the animals being discussed in the forum...

I love you, grammar. Please don't leave me.

"I'm sure those families are hoping for that kind of star power..."

Breaking News: Plight Of Missing Hikers Will Make Great Movie

daddy

I love this picture of my friend, Craig, and his little daughter.

It's how I see God holding Kate in ICU right now. And how he held me yesterday when I really started to miss her.

You'd have to know Craig to truly appreciate this photo. I traveled with him as part of a mission team that spent three months in India. He's wildly hilarious, totally adventurous, extremely hip, passionate, sensitive, and intelligent. He's a photographer, a husband, and a father of 27 years of age. Not exactly what comes to mind when we think of Father God...which is why this picture struck me.

He's his girl's daddy. She doesn't know that he's 27, that he's fallible, that he's human. To her, he's all the strength and comfort she needs. She doesn't seem the least bit concerned that he's carrying her, single-handedly, across a dubious path of rocks over a stream. And that's the point: he's carrying her, single-handedly, across a dubious path of rocks over a stream.

He doesn't have her curled up in bed reading her a story, although I'm sure he does that too. He has her in the Philippines, out to see the world, out to conquer a stream, out to experience risk and excitement and uncertainty.

And that's how he's holding Kate in ICU right now. And how he held me yesterday when I really started to miss her.

98%

Andrew and I don't have time to shop around. In fact, Andrew and I don't have time for a lot of things which is why we forced inspired our bridal party to spend Family Day assembling our wedding invitations. But I digress.

We went to IKEA on date night to pick out furniture for our new apartment. In the "As Is" section, we came across a couch. But not just any couch.

IKEA's top-of-the-line couch. At a 98% discount.

As we drove out of the parking lot, after having also purchased our bed (on sale), our box spring (on sale), our mattress (on sale), our duvet (50% off), two bookshelves, and a slipcover for The Couch, Andrew was still marveling at what we had saved.

"We just bought a couch for $25. A $1,000 couch for $25. I feel like we stole something. 98% discount. I need a cigarette."

[that's not Andrew...it's his stunt double, Jonathan Boerger]

incommunicado

My blog-a-day goal kind of hit a bump in the road.

Or, rather, a head-on collision on the highway.

Which is what Kate met on Thursday night while she was driving to see her husband, Paul. One moment she was driving, the next moment she was hit by an impaired driver.

What annoys me now is remembering all the times I was unable to return her calls due to a hectic schedule compared to how much I would like to see "K8" show up on my call display today. I figure the phone's probably in smithereens, so I don't think that will be happening.

So, when she gets better (and I know she'll get better), she'll read this blog and laugh at the words: Kate, you definitely topped the bachelorette I gave you.

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me
- James Morrison, "Wonderful World"

the world is not
respectable; it is mortal,
tormented, confused,
deluded forever, but it is
shot through with beauty,
with love, with glints of
courage and laughter;
and in these, the spirit
blooms...
- george santayana

[Updates with less florid prose can be found on Paul Graham's website.]