Friday, March 02, 2007

the very warmth of my blood seems stolen away

I traipsed through High Park one evening last week. Toronto rested, naively, in its pre-blizzard/ice/snow storm state, the temperature hovered around -5 degrees, light snow fell in slow motion, the air was so still the puffs of my breath lingered a half-beat longer than usual, and the twilight gave the trees an eerie, blue glow. The forest was absolutely silent.

The beauty was breathtaking. The beauty crippled me. The beauty, in contrast to the abscess that gnaws at my heart daily, highlighted Something That Was Missing. Not sure what.

I've waded through melancholic moments before (they keep me regular) and, upon reflection, I wonder if this one is merely the result of the first winter spent entirely on Canadian soil. I generally live by a strict regiment of winter-evading by flying to the UK in February or March; 2007 is the first year in six that I haven't had the opportunity.

"And yet...Since I left New York, haven't the winds blown less hard, less often? Hasn't there been a kind of wrench every time we leave a place, a kind of regret? I think there has. Twenty-five years, and at last the spring has begun to grow tired, just as my mother grew tired in the final years. I find myself looking at the sun and wondering what it would be like to see it rise above the same horizon for five - maybe ten, maybe twenty - years. The thought fills me with a strange dizziness, a feeling of fear and longing."
- Joanne Harris ("Chocolate")


Anonymous said...

i stumbled upon your blog some time ago and check in from time to time. your post about your friend's wedding is so touching and you seem like a lovely girl.
in your present mood you may find this comforting...

may spring come your way with great haste

agnes from NYC

Sarah-Aubrey said...

Agnes - you've absolutely made my day. I'm a fan of Sylvia Plath's poetry and I'm enchanted to see that someone from NY has found my blog. I love that city...

Here's to Spring. And soon.

A.J. said...

Hmmm.... well I hope the spring comes very quickly for all of us. Mind you I am in Florida right now so perhaps I should be silent?

Sgt Steve said...

I like that pic. I love snow covered trees and what not. Some of the back roads I drive looks so incredible after a snow fall, or after freezing rain when all the branches are sparkling. sigh. oh. and I don't want spring to sprung untill april. sorry, hehe.

snoopy said...

i don't think you can imagine

how HAPPY looking at that picture makes me..

and to know..that the warm weather is coming


ps i like your blog alot.. only recently decided to comment...(didnt mean to stalk hehe)