Friday, February 03, 2006

Go together like a horse and carriage...

Love and marriage. Children. More children. It's all quite nice to say, think, even feel that we want these things but I'm reminded of a scene in Lost In Translation that made me think differently for the first time:

BOB: gets complicated when you have kids... that changes everything.

CHARLOTTE: That's too scary.

BOB: When they're born it's like Vietnam. It's terrifying.

CHARLOTTE: No one ever tells you that...

Some questions of my own have been surfacing since getting a front row seat to my friend's marital/parental life, which include:
  • How do you take a shower with a two-year-old, awake, running through the house?
  • What does discipline look like?
  • Who does the laundry, the dishes, the bills?
  • Do you ever have a spare moment to yourself for sixteen, eighteen, twenty (or, in my parents' case: thirty) years, as your children grow up and, eventually, move out?
Or, forget children for a moment, and let's focus on marriage alone. I mean, you're adding another human being to your life. To everything you do. As Penelope Cruz' character, Sophia, in Vanilla Sky says, "Holy God. This is going to change my life in a zillion different ways. I must be nuts."

Or, in The Way of the World by Congreve (thanks, Nik):
My dear liberty, shall I leave thee?  My faithful solitude,
my darling contemplation, must I bid you then adieu? Ay-h,
adieu. My morning thoughts, agreeable wakings, indolent
slumbers, all ye DOUCEURS, ye SOMMEILS DU MATIN, adieu.
I can't do't, 'tis more than impossible.
Perhaps it is because I didn't jump the gun at twenty, and get married when emotions and hormones were high and logic was at an all-time low (not with everyone, but definitely the case with me), that my logic now outweighs my emotions and hormones? Why does it suddenly irk me to think that I might reach a stage in my life where I can not shrink away to read in a corner, or go see a film, or travel the world; that to do so would be irresponsible?

Thoughts, anyone?


A.J. said...

Oh Dear! Yep I have some thoughts!

I had observed many marriages from the outside before I got married myself. Some families with kids convinced me that I never want to either get married, or have kids. Some families were just the opposite! And it directly had to do with how healed up they were, and how much of their own junk they had dealt with.

Marriage is a great thing and God knew what He was doing with this wonderful idea. I love being married. I still sleep in sometimes, curl up with a book or go to a movie with the girls and it's all good. The trick is who you marry! When you meet the right guy Sarah you will want to marry him and then you will know what I mean!

Of course when you meet him he needs to go through me first!!! :-) and probably a host of other people who love you, but when he makes it through then you know "hey, God had the right idea!"

Sarah-Aubrey said...

It's funny - as I wrote this particular post, I told a friend of mine, "I bet I'll get a response back from my mentor, AJ." Thanks, as always, for the's what God started to speak to me the night after I posted.

God: "Wasn't it my idea in the first place?"
Sarah: "Good point."

Angela said...

Well, I can't comment yet regarding spawnage, but as for marriage, two things: 1) There is nothing stopping you from doing things on your own when you're married. Sure, if it's going to cost some serious money, it's advisable to check with your partner, but you hardly have to remain joined at the hip 24/7. Joined at the groin, perhaps...which leads us nicely into 2) Sex makes up for all manners of marital evils. Even fighting takes on new and wonderful meaning when said disagreement leads to conflict resolution which leads to orgasmic bliss. Honestly, who cares if they leave the toilet seat up when they can do THAT with their tongue? And on that note, must go find husband.

Sarah-Aubrey said...

Yet another reason why I am grateful that I haven't given my blog link to my grandparents.

Thanks, Angela!