message on the 506

While taking the 506 Carlton streetcar the other day, I found a plastic bag that had been left by another passenger by accident. In this bag was an empty greeting card box, several cardboard coin roll wrappers, a permenant marker, a pencil, and a handful of cut-outs: poetry, advice, verses, etc.

Below is what I found on one of them:

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep, full relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says, "NO. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone. I love you, my child. Until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me; exclusive of anyone or anything else; exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That's all."


"Don't be anxious, don't worry; don't look around at the things others have or what I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. You just keep looking up to me, for when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love more wonderful than you would have ever dreamed of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready...I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time...until you are both satisfied, exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. This is perfect love.

"And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and enjoy materially and concretely, the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself."

"Please know that I love you utterly. Believe it and be satisfied."

Author Unknown

(I found a slightly different version online here)

running to stand still

The Treadmill - A Philosophical Rant

When was the last time you spent an hour - an entire hour - doing "nothing"? TV doesn't count as studies have shown that viewing television uses less brain power than sleeping, and I'm not addressing laziness. I'm addressing the ridiculously imbalanced work to rest ratio that our society thrives on.

"Nothing", to me, can mean a variety of activities (reading, walking, writing, journaling) but I like to define "nothing" as a chunk of time devoid of time restraints. A chunk of time used to unwind as opposed to winding up. Andrew wears a T-shirt with "time is an invention" on it and I love it because it makes me stop and think...if time is an invention, and we invented time, why aren't we realizing that we're victims of our own invention?

I had a counseling session with a friend of mine yesterday and we discussed my general, frenetic state. It has been a lifetime habit, intensifying during university and again when I was an event coordinator for TVB, and has been almost non-stop over the past year; more specifically, the past six months. The essence of the chaos was pinpointed as a lingering fear of not arriving at my "destination"...but having little to no idea what/where the "destination" is. In the meantime, I miss out on the journey itself.

Frustrating.

Have you ever noticed that culture (urban culture, more poignantly) is fueled by people who are, in turn, fueled by coffee? This is not an original thought - I must admit that I stole it from my mother, Lois. Every morning (and afternoon, and late afternoon, and evening) we drink an extra-large, triple-shot, sugar-free hazelnut CUP OF ANXIETY with extra foam. To go. Because we couldn't possibly sit down to enjoy it.

This counselor-friend of mine mentioned that a friend of hers had recently gone to a Watchmen for the Nations retreat where the participants did "nothing" but listen and wait for God to speak. For four days. The unanimous revelation, at the end of the four days, was God's warning: the world is consumed with hurry - slow down, trust Me, be aware.

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy
- Simon & Garfunkle, "The 59th Street Bridge Song"

"What can I say? I live my life to the utmost...I just try to stay loose, stay liquid, laugh a lot, and be ready. That's what Dupree's doing with his life's little pod, man. Staying nimble. Until I get the call from the mother ship. My raison d'etat."
- Randolf Dupree, "You, Me and Dupree"

and then a hero comes along

My best friend, CathArine Patricia Dias, has just completed one week building houses in Belize. Her boyfriend, Paul, has posted some pictures of their adventure here. This is just one of the reasons that I heart Kate.

I mean, who could possibly look hotter in a tool belt? Paul agrees.

piano man

I spent the first half of today stressed out of my tree due to work issues, and the second half listening to piano on the radio. The second half all but erased the first.

I am not what they would call "musical". By this I mean I can not read it, play it, or understand it. It's a foreign science to me. Sometimes I wonder if I would be so absolutely enchanted by it if I had studied it... Jacob once asked me, however, and rightfully so: "Do you have a musical soul?" and, for the first time, in reference to a question regarding music, I was able to answer in the affirmative.

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

- Billy Joel, "Piano Man"

camp stole my boyfriend...

...and my youngest brother, Seth. Oh, and about half a million of my other closest friends. For a week. Poo. The other day, as Andrew and I ate sushi, I almost teared up at the thought of a kid getting the chance to go to camp THE NIGHT BEFORE (which was in the works while we ate...via beepy-phone), as there were still spots available at the last minute. Camp is like Christmas to me. I love it. It's also the reason behind my mild addiction with the forest.

There must be something to this: Andrew and Seth are at camp. Nik and Thea just flew across the globe to start teaching in South Korea. Kate and Paul are returning from Belize sometime soon. And I'm...not doing any of those things. For the first time in my life. How odd.

Which reminds me, I should look up flights to B.C...

ok go

Check. This. Out.
I heart these guys.
They remind me of my brother.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

anne

Allow me a moment of girly whim.

I have been, since I was old enough to be read to, mildly obsessed with Anne of Green Gables. There was more than a little vicarious participation in reading those books, over and over. In fact, I won Miss Mini-Yo-We my L.I.T. summer, for my representation of Anne Shirley. I've been to "the bridge" in Gormley, Ontario. And a good friend of mine, Caron, has faithfully referred to me as "Anne" since I was twelve...and I like it even though I'm now twenty-six.

And we all know my thoughts on Gilbert Blythe.

All this sentiment has flooded my mind since discovering this video on a friend's myspace (thanks, Ginette). I particularly like how they chose the song "A Message" by Coldplay. For many reasons.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine, Mari, about three or four years ago, during which we lamented that there wasn't any hope of us having overlooked a Gilbert in our own lives. I guess that's what Anne thought too. I'm happy to have been wrong.

i like to ride my bicycle

Today's adventure consisted of taking the longest possible route from Point A to Point B.

The journey started at my darling apartment in High Park. From there, I coasted along Bloor and took Landsdown through the lanes of Parkdale (Andrew and Ericka: where is your house?). Landsdown ends at Queen (who knew?) so I attempted to get to the Lakeshore via Duffrin, but the Ex stood in my way. I found myself in Liberty Village, seeing old, brick, ivy-clad warehouses and restaurants that I haven't seen for over two years. I got a little lost around King until I saw the stately Prince's Gates where I (finally) found a bike path that took me along edge of Toronto Naval Club's harbour and right to the bottom of Lower Spadina where "she" is docked: the stunning tallship, Empire Sandy, upon which we will be embarking on a traditional Scottish Cruise in a few weeks. Heading north, I stopped at Timothy's for a pomegranate-blueberry smoothy, did some shopping at Shopper's, and ended up at the studio at 80 Spadina.

I heart Toronto.

bon voyage

A day of departures.
This morning, the Illustrious Kate Dias woke up at 4:30 a.m. to leave for Belize. She, along with a team of volunteers, including her boyfriend, Paul, will be helping communities in Belize for a week. Read more about the plan here.
At a similar time in the morning, the Famous Newlyweds, Nik and Thea, boarded a plane for a much more distant location: Pyongchon, South Korea. They will be living and working at the same YES Youngdo English School that Dan and I worked at in 2004-2005 until this time next year. I don't think they're departure has hit me yet. Or their marriage, for that matter. But we're not allowed to post about their wedding or honeymoon anymore because it's been overblogged.

I love you guys to pieces and will pray for your respective adventures. Come home safely and soon, but not before you've discovered everything that you should have.

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page."
- Saint Augustine

broken telephone

My boyfriend is spending the weekend at Soggy Marsh Trailer Park. Or something like that. It's up north. Hanover.

He called me last night but I didn't pick up because I don't pick up for phone numbers I don't recognize (a few of you are having "aha..." moments right now). The phone number started with "519".

"Funny," I thought, as I continued doing the dishes. "519 is a northern area code. I don't know anyone up north... ... ... ...EXCEPT FOR ANDREW..."

But by then it had gone through to voicemail. He called again today and we spoke, in broken sentences, for about a half an hour. He was sitting on a hill of grass up at Soggy Pond, I was sitting on the cold marble lobby of the College Park building.

He: "I have good reception right here. Can you hear me?"
Me: "Yes. OK, don't move. Can you hear me?"
He: "What? Are you there?"
Me: "I'm here. Can you hear me?"
He: "Can you hear me?"

Then we were disconnected. He called back. Disconnected again. He called back. Disconnected. I called back. Disconnected. He called back.

The last thing I remember hearing was a screamed "I...OVE YOU...U...!!" to which I screamed that I loved him too, before we were disconnected again. The people in the lobby were a little concerned. It could have been the screaming. Or that I sat on the marble tile for about ten minutes afterwards, laughing.

Ah, modern technology.

brain mush

Is it just me that cries during every episode of What Not to Wear? I think it's when the friends and family shriek and cry and applaud when their sister/girlfriend/co-worker comes out, transformed.

Or maybe I'm just feeling overly emotional after having watched Pearl Harbour for the first time. I never thought that a movie starring Ben Affleck could move me but...I was moved. I bawled. I hate war.

Now I'm on to watching Take Home Chef, where "hunky Australian master chef" (the website's quote, not my own...I prefer brunettes) has approached a mother of five to cook dinner at her house. He's making homemade pizza from scratch with mozzarella, fresh basil, and prosciutto. If only I could take home a hunky chef to make me homemade pizza from scratch with mozzarella, fresh basil, and prosciutto...but brunette instead of blond...and Italian instead of Australian.

OH WAIT. THAT HAPPENS.

I've watched about six hours of television today. I think that's my quota of intelligence-sucking behaviour for the month filled. It had better not be three weeks of this. I'd like to get my master's some day.

more frigging weddings

I never thought my blog would be the go-to site for news regarding upcoming nuptuals around the globe...

My friends, Dan and Yoon-Ji (she is now going by the English name "Rebecca" which is taking some getting used to...when I first read the news, I thought Dan had broken up with Yoon-Ji and was marrying another girl...), are engaged and will be married in Korea.

In 71 days.

It's true.

Their wedding website has a countdown on it.

Three cheers for autumn weddings.

house arrest

house arrest:
"House arrest is the situation where a person is confined by the authorities to his or her residence...travel is usually restricted, if allowed at all...the term is often applied to the use of house confinement as a measure of repression of authoritarian governments against political dissidents."

It's only for three weeks and, my goodness, it's in a house in Rosedale so I really shouldn't complain. But try to figure out how relaxed I am housesitting a place where a) pieces of furniture are $30,000, b) the framed art is worth much more, c) the cats, Lucy and Riki, are the most pretentious felines since Egyptians worshipped them as gods, and d) my boss calls me 2-3 times a day, from his "cottage" in Italy, to make sure the furniture, the art, and the cats, and not to mention the alarm system, the garbage/recycling, the back door, the front door, the basement door, all windows, all vents, the computers, the plumbing, the marble counter, the voicemail, the studio voicemail, and the partridge in a pear tree are all in order.

It's the prettiest, most inefficient, least comfortable house I've ever been in. And it's my house for the next three weeks.

Tales of a House Arrest will continue...

more of the same

More pictures of Nik and Thea's wedding, courtesy of Lina Balsamic-Vinaigrette.

By the by: this is my 100th POST on blogspot.
Thank you, thank you.

honeymooning

What? Four blog posts in one day? Yes, get over it. This one is particularly important, considering Nik and Thea have just returned from their honeymoon and have posted some tasteful pictures here and Nik's commentary has left me gasping for breath. It's not fair that one family was given so much more wit and timing than all the others.

My favourite quote for the day is: "It was lovely to finally live with Althea, not have to say goodnight and part ways, and to wake up together in the morning. I highly recommend it."

Nik's recommendations have never been disappointing.

They leave for South Korea in less than a week.
*choke*

proud personal assistant

My boss and psuedo-uncle, Ron Baxter Smith, was just informed that the prestigious "international journal of visual communication", Graphis, wants to publish not one, not two, but three of Ron's photos in the upcoming Graphis Photography Annual 2007.

The shots were taken on a dull afternoon spent in Italy. Ron was bored, so he took his camera out to shoot some roots. Click, click, click: award-winning. The man's a genius. Also a little crazy.

Just one more to add alongside the 400+ other awards he's won over the years. Pardon my gushing. I'm quite pleased.

I'm also almost positive that it's some sort of copywrite infringement to post the pictures here, on my blog, so do be kind and look only. I'd rather not get sued.

c'est quoi?

Anyone been invited to this yet? I just changed my blog over last night. Seems to update faster, and provide more options. Plus, the font is prettier. And we all know I'm a sucker for pretty things. And it includes quirky instructions like, "What's cooler than a box of crayons? Customizing your blog with Layouts."

Anyone understand what's up? Google taking over the world? Should I be concerned? Because unless someone can provide me with concrete evidence that this is the Mark Of The Beast, I kind of like it...

little miss sunshine

I just watched the most fabulous movie, "Little Miss Sunshine". I can't remember a time I laughed so hard since Jordan Delic at Nik and Thea's wedding.

I'm sure it's bumped a movie off to make into my Top Five List. That list is as follows (but is generally in flux):

• Braveheart
• The Royal Tanenbaums
• Amelie
• LOTR (it is widely held that all three movies count as one Top Five List entry)
  
• Little Miss Sunshine

Post your Top Fives, people. Inquiring minds want to know...

monday monday, so good to me

Since I rescheduled my life - including a fixed date night with Gargamel/Galileo/Il Pastore once a week - I have been feeling so much more relaxed. I have discovered a previously untapped adoration for Mondays since scheduling them as "stay in" night. Who knew that returning emails, tidying, making mix CDs, reading, praying and journaling could be so rewarding?

Not that any of you should take this as an open invitation to call me on Monday nights because you know I'm home.

sex and the city

So, I've been thinking about sex. That's right. I said it. And it's not only because Angela keeps mentioning the joys of married life, or that my best friends are either enjoying or planning to enjoy said rights, or that I've seen far too much lingerie in the past month, or that I have an incredible (and hot) boyfriend, or that I'm currently listening to Barry White sing "I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More, Baby", but ALSO because I'm halfway through reading a book entitled "Real Sex" by Lauren F. Winner. It's a book on chastity.

I found it uncomfortable to read on public transit as the original cover jacket has a huge picture of a blossoming magnolia on it and REAL SEX printed in red hot lettering, so I took the cover off. Still, I had a guy chatting me up the other day, asking me what I was reading.

Me: "A book called 'Real Sex'."
Him: [eyes widen]
Me: "It's a book on chastity."
Him: "What?"
Me: "Chastity."
Him: "What's that?"
Me: "Not having sex."
Him: [eyes narrow]

In the book, Winner addresses sex and how far culture has come in providing a healthy, balanced view of sex. She starts by outlining sex in its rightful, spiritual, Biblical and marital context:

It is a law that invites into the created order of marital sex; a law that rightly orders our created desires for sexual pleasure and sexual connectedness; a law, in short, that cares for us and protects us, written by a Lawgiver who understands that life outside of God's created intent destroys us. By contrast, life lived inside the contours of God's law humanizes us and makes us beautiful. It makes us creatures living well in the created order. It gives us the opportunity to become who we are meant to be. (p. 42)

And talks about the social responsibilities that married couples have to their community, and their community to them:

...When we realize that sexual love is a primary force in constructing a household, and that households are primary components of constructing community, it begins to appear, indeed, that sexuality is something that should have a public, communal face...Sexuality is an integral part of human mutual dependence. Sex, then, is a communal topic. We Christians - whose primary idioms are not individualistic, but communal, the Body of God and the church - are to see in sexuality the bonds of community. (p. 58)
In thomas Cranmer's sixteenth-century language, brides and grooms vow that "with my body, I thee worship." Not a private affair between to atomized adults who contract to live together, Christian weddings are essentially communal. The bride and groom are surrounded by their community, and one of the most important moments of the ceremony is when the minister asks the congregation whether it will do all in its power to uphold the bride and groom intheir covenant of marriage. The congregation answers, "We will." (p.58-59)

I always liked that part of a wedding. I liked the feeling of hearing my own voice chorus with everyone else's, pledging to support the marriage, and have always looked forward to the day when I will hear a chours of voices pledging to support my own.

It's made me think of how open our culture is to discuss, analyse, dissect, scrutinize, detail, categorize, exaggerate, rate, and portray sex but how far from the marriage bed the subject has wandered. How every nuance and variety of sex is open for discussion except for married sex. It's like the only taboo sex these days is sex after marriage.

There was a commercial I remember seeing a few years ago that showed a couple furiously making out while crashing through the door of a hotel and falling on to a bed. The tag line was, "The best sex I ever had was with my wife."

If anyone can remember the advertising campaign, client, or product, let me know. I'd like to express my gratitude.

a moment in time

I love this quote, by Ranier Maria Rilke, and how it applies to so many of life's episodes:

Things aren't all so tangible and sayable as people would usually have us believe; most experiences are unsayable, they happen in a space that no word has ever entered.

My dear friend, Nikolas Delic, married the gorgeous Althea Pacis on August 5th and the experience was amazing. We realized that never again would all six of us from Erindale Christian Fellowship (Lina, Thea, Nik, Dan, Joey and myself) be in the same bridal party, so the event had a bittersweet tone to it. Still, I don't know if I've laughed so hard or for so long or in the company of people I love more.

Kate wrote a great post, with lots of linking hilarity, and more pictures that I didn't upload here.

Here are a few pictures, yoinked from Paul's gallery, for you, the viewers, to check out. They happen to be my favourite (after having sifted through all 319 shots...Paul's a photographic MANIAC) because they tell a story. Enjoy.

Knox College, where the ceremony took place. Very LOTR.
Thea, calm, cool and collected about an hour before the ceremony.
Jordan (left) and Nik (right) Delic before the ceremony - donning the kilts that were a surprise for their Scottish grandmother, and which made her cry when she saw them.
Kate and me before the ceremony. Big smiles. And, in my case, big hair to match.
Kate, as the florist, pinning a boutonniere on her brother, Joey.
Nik's face as Thea came down the aisle. Priceless. Someone once told me that, although everyone stands to watch the bride enter the room, the real drama can be seen on the groom's face as he watches her.
Thea as she is brought down the aisle by her father.
The kiss. Paul pointed out that Thea is leaning back...slightly.
Jordan had just muttered to me that he was "sweating like a fat, Mexican pig".
My lovely Gaz and me. We're probably laughing here after having commented that this looks like a prom shot.
Kate and me, doing a typical Kate and me pose.
Now who's leaning back, Paul?
The boys in their kilts.
Nik pulling an impromptu tango move during Thea and his first dance as a wedded couple.
Nik and me, doing a typical Nik and me pose.
I laughed pretty much all day, really, which was only unfortunate due to the fact that my dress was altered to fit EXTRA snuggly and was giving me mild ribcage pains...

the big day

Nikolas Delic and Althea Pacis will be married by this time tomorrow. Actually, I won't post exactly what they'll be doing this time tomorrow but, needless to say, Nik's primary love language is "physical touch".

Darling Craptastics, I love you to bits. I can't imagine my life without you. And I love how three, four, five years of university has spilled out into the rest of our adult life. I feel lucky just to have been privy to one of the best stories to come out of ECF. I feel honoured to wear the aqua/turquoise/blue dress of the bridesmaid tomorrow morning/afternoon/evening.

It's 11:12 p.m. and I have to be up for 6:30 a.m. for a hair appointment. Should I even bother? I think I'll watch my rented copy of My Best Friend's Wedding while I give myself a manicure and pedicure instead...

mumbo-jumbo

More bargain-basement, internet-based, psycho-analysis.

A Love Language Test, for all the couples out there.

Complete set of results:

Quality Time:		10
Physical Touch:		9
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		1

And, much more important for the testing of compatibility, this quiz.

You scored as Peter Pan.
Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up.

Peter Pan		94%
Goofy		81%
Cruella De Ville		75%
Ariel		75%
Sleeping Beauty		69%
Donald Duck		69%
The Beast		63%
Cinderella		44%
Pinocchio		38%
Snow White		38%

Post your results, kids. I'm interested in seeing how high Rennie scores in the area of physical touch...considering he short circuits when subjected to it...